Outdated laws still on the books for some reason in Omaha
Let’s explore some old laws that Omaha might have forgotten to erase from its legal ledgers: “Any squirrel seen loitering
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Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Legal
Break 1-9, brush your teeth and comb your hair – you got a bear in the air
Fun legal fact: You can sued if you own an empty lot and some jerks decide to do donuts in
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Man Wanted for Fifteen Years by Cops Found Hiding Inside Washing Machine
A guy wanted by police for more than 15 years was found hiding in the washing machine in his apartment.
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How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many can you afford?
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Listen, You Can’t Come In Here Without A Warrant
Gilly the Camel: “Listen, you can’t come in here without a warrant.”
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How Many Lawyers Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
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Using a Biblical Example
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night.
The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.”
When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind.
“Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I’d check out the same way.”
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Your Dog Is a Thief
A lawyer’s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?”
The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.”
“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”
The lawyer writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher leaves feeling vindicated.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
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Groaning with Pain
A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.
“I’m an attorney,” the wincing man said, “and this is going to cost you $5000.”
“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” the concerned golfer replied. “But I did yell ‘fore’.”
“I’ll take it,” the attorney said.
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