The Celtics were founded in 1946. That year Pope Pius XII published the Quemadmodum. Wait, how do spell it? Whatever. Basically, it’s a Catholic document that limits you how long you can kneel in a hot church in July.
One priest said, “Kneeling is dangerous. Last Sunday we had three old ladies pass out from kneeling, so we dunked their heads in the baptismal and let them air out back in the parking lot out back until they revived.”
Currently the Celtics play homes games at the TD Garden. The Boston Bruins also play their home games there.
“Sometimes we schedule the Bruins games and Celtics game at the exact same time. You should see a 7-foot tall Celtics player sitting in the penalty box. They can barely fit in there. We have to open the penalty box door to let their feet stick out a bit,” said a team spokesperson.
The Celtics have an incredible 17 championships, a league record.
A Celtics fan said, “We should have 18! We would have beat the Lakers in 2010 but Rajon Rondo kept leaving the games to get hot dogs. That guy loves hot dogs.”