At the races

3 Wild Fun Facts About the Boston Celtics

The Celtics were founded in 1946. That year Pope Pius XII published the Quemadmodum. Wait, how do spell it? Whatever. Basically, it’s a Catholic document that limits you how long you can kneel in a hot church in July.

One priest said, “Kneeling is dangerous. Last Sunday we had three old ladies pass out from kneeling, so we dunked their heads in the baptismal and let them air out back in the parking lot out back until they revived.”

Currently the Celtics play homes games at the TD Garden. The Boston Bruins also play their home games there.

“Sometimes we schedule the Bruins games and Celtics game at the exact same time. You should see a 7-foot tall Celtics player sitting in the penalty box. They can barely fit in there. We have to open the penalty box door to let their feet stick out a bit,” said a team spokesperson.

The Celtics have an incredible 17 championships, a league record.

A Celtics fan said, “We should have 18! We would have beat the Lakers in 2010 but Rajon Rondo kept leaving the games to get hot dogs. That guy loves hot dogs.”

At the races

3 Crazy Fun Facts About the Los Angeles Lakers

The Lakers were founded in 1947. That was an interesting year. The defribillator was invented that same year, a device that has come in handy for Lakers fans having heart attacks when they realize what they are paying for an average ticket.

Jerry, a longtime fan, said, “$600 for one ticket? For what? They’ve been terrible. Hell I can my whole family including my 15 cousins into thte state fair for that price, and we get to see a dinosaur in a battlle with a rodeo bull. I mean, it’s something.”

The LA Lakers started as the Minneapolis Lakers in Minnesota. The team name is in reference to the state’s nickname, “Land of 10,000 Lakes.”

An Iowan named Chester commented, “Yeah, well that nickname was inspired by Iowa’s nickname: “Land of 10,000 Pigs That Can Sing the National Anthem.”

The Lakers had one of the biggest stars in the league of the time, George Mikan. Nicknamed “Mr. Basketball,” there is even a popular practice activity named after him called the Mikan Drill.

A local coach explained: “Now the Mikan Drill is when you get under the basket and cry because you were the biggest star in the league and got bupkus while today a benchwarming point guard for the 76ers gets $57 million.”