Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Media
I Hate You! I Love You! I Need You!
Does President Trump really hate the press? Eh, not so much. We’ve all been in relationships where another person says,
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5 Shark Tank Lessons You Can Use Today To Be More Successful
Shark Tank is a highly popular ABC-TV show where five successful entrepreneurs and business owners listen to pitches from hopeful
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CBS Reboots “Magnum, P.I.” and “Cagney and Lacey”
CBS announced they are bringing out new versions of “Magnum, P.I.” and “Cagney and Lacey.” How about a rebooted “Kojak”
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Things I Learned from The Sopranos
The Sopranos covers a lot of topics, not all related to mob life. Here are some things I learned from
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7 Ways to Stand Out On Social Media as an Entrepreneur
Having a presence on social media is important for every entrepreneur. Here are seven ways you can use the different
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Producer Fired From “The View” After Heated Words With Rosie
News reports today say a longtime “The View” producer was fired after getting in shouting matches with one of
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Dr. Oz and the Smelly Belly Button
I was in Manhattan for some comedy meetings and goings-on. Karen called. Her friend had bailed and she wanted me
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Six-Year-Old Garners 23 Book Publishing Deal
Leo Hunter is a talented guy. News outlets including the Daily Mirror reported the six-year-old landed a 23 book deal with an American publishing house. Later it was revealed to be a 'vanity press' where an author pays to have his work printed. Still, Leo seems like an ambitious guy. I offer the following titles to help him fill this demanding publishing schedule.
http://bit.ly/cGBXuE
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You Have To Read The Signs in Life
Life constantly gives us warning signs. I know I have often failed to heed their warning. To my own peril. Here are some warning signs you my encounter as you continue on life’s journey.
Sign on a music store window: “Come in and pick out a drum — then beat it!”
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Time to Flip
MEACHAM: ‘Here’s what I suspect the future is: We’ve had it backwards. … We produce a magazine all week, we close it Friday and Saturday, and it begins to go out online … We have Newsweek.com every day, but [for] 77 years, the emphasis has been on the print. It’s probably time to flip that. In which you are solely focused on the digital, and by the end of the week you take the best of, and for people who want to hold a magazine in their hands – and there are people who can still do that … then you print that magazine. … This is an existential crisis – and it’s not just because … I feel incredibly strongly that this magazine for 77 years … has mattered unto the life of the country. It’s one of the very few common denominators in a fragmented world. … I think the country will be poorer for our disappearing. And the good news is we did not close today – we went up for sale.’
STEWART: ‘You’re like a personal Wikipedia.’
MEACHAM: ‘Which is gonna be good, ’cause I’m looking for work.’
– Newsweek Editor Jon Meacham to Jon Stewart on ‘The Daily Show’
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Fast Talking Disclaimer
I heard a car commercial on the radio the other day that sounded a little unbelievable:
“The Violator is available for a limited time for only $99/ month!”
Then at the end of the commercial a guy started talking real fast:
“$99 month is a 6 month lease only on approved credit. Capital reduction fee of $15,000. Does not include car doors, rear bumper or left side tires.”
He negated everything about the commercial by putting a fast-talking disclaimer afterwards! Wouldn’t that be great if you could do that in your real life?
Claim: I am going to start running every day.
Fast Talking Disclaimer: Running every day does include not religious holidays, Thanksgiving, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, days I am too tired to run, days I am not too tired to run but a Seinfeld episode comes on that I haven’t seen, Mondays, Fridays, and any other days ending in ‘y’.
Claim: I am going to stop smoking.
Fast Talking Disclaimer: Stopping smoking does not include borrowing other people’s cigarettes, smoking while drinking, smoking to help celebrate a victory, smoking to overcome a disappointment, smoking to overcome nervousness, smoking while calm, or any smoking before 12 noon.
The fast talking disclaimer could be used by many people. Like stockbrokers:
Claim: This one is a winner. I say we go all in.
Fast Talking Disclaimer: Claims of this stock being a “winner” may be influenced by the fact that we do not have any idea what we are talking about, by the sudden arrest and conviction of firm partners for insider trading, or by sudden fluctuations in the recommended stock including sudden and total devaluation.
Or TV weather people:
Claim: It will be sunny all day today.
Fast Talking Disclaimer: Predictions of sunny weather do not include the interruption of sunshine in whole or in part by any or all of the following: clouds, rain, thunderstorms, lightning, hail, fog, sleet, snow, El Nino, La Nina, tornadoes, tsunamis, hurricanes, typhoons, cyclones, blizzards, or precipitation of any kind.
Or humor writers:
Claim: Fast Talking Disclaimers are funny.
Fast Talking Disclaimer: Claims of humor are based on previous special cases. Your experience may differ. Additionally- all chuckles, snickers, giggles, titters, guffaws, grunts, snorts, and sighs of disappointment will be registered as laughter.
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