3 Fun Facts About Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day started in 1908. That was a crazy year. That year was the first time they dropped a ball in Times Square to mark the New Year. One old timer explained, “Well, in those days, the ball was made of an iron frame that was really heavy. The first year, the ball fell off the line and bounced down the street into the ocean, dragging a family from Keokuk, Iowa with it.”

Mother’s Day was started by Anna Jarvis of West Virginia. After her mother died in 1905, she began a campaign for a day to honor Mothers. It became an official US holiday in 1914, held in May because that’s the month so many mothers are glad they will soon be sending their kids away to summer camp.

Unfortunately, Jarvis became enraged when Hallmark and other companies created cards for Mother’s Day, saying people should send thoughtful hand written cards, not store bought ones. I hear you Ms. Jarvis. I always create a hand-written poem for my mom on Mother’s Day. This year I wrote:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Although you had six kids
I was the one you said you wished you never knew

I know you were just kidding.

Right, Mom?


7 Things Moms Use To Say Back When They Took No Guff

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Remember when moms used to take no guff? If you aren’t old enough to have an old-school mom, here is a sample of the crazy things they used to say.

1. Get down from there or I will make you live up there permanently with a family from Sweden!

2. Why? Because I said so, and I have a Pulitzer prize in this crap!

3. Don’t come back at me with that sugary talk! You sound like early Beach Boys before they all went mad!

4. We can do this one of two ways, the easy way or the hard way! Or the third way, which no has ever returned from to tell tales!

5. Quit fighting or I will put you in the ring with a champion — I’m talking Smokin’ Joe Frazier!

6. I want you to clean up your room once and for all — we better be able to see the floor that we haven’t seen since you moved in there three years ago!

7. You can’t get up until you eat everything on your plate! And the plate,  too, now that I think about it!


Mom Songs

Recently a video swept social media of a baby reacting emotionally to her mom’s singing. This story touched me because my mom would also sing to us, from the time we were babies through high school.

I remember when I was thirteen she used to sing these lyrics to the tune of John Lennon’s “Imagine”:

Imagine there’s no fighting
It’s easy if you try
No hitting your brother
Just because he walks by

Imagine the whole family
Living in peace for one day
Aa haa

I always enjoyed her singing her version of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”:

With the lights on, your rooms a mess
Here I am now, you have to clean up
I feel stupid I have to tell you son
Here I am now, you have to clean up

She always like the Beatles’ “Hey Jude”:

Hey Joe, I feel bad
Put some gas in my car to make it better
Remember to put the cap back on
Then I’ll start to feel better

Hey, Joe, don’t be afraid
You were made to take out the trash
Every minute you sit in front of the TV
You delay your allowance cash

She must have been a fan of the British invasion because she loved the Rolling Stones’ “Satisfaction”:

I can’t get no reaction
I can’t get no reaction
I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no

When I’m driving in our car
And you kids start fighting to and fro
And you’re screaming more and more
About some useless ideation
Supposed to drive my imagination
I can’t get no, no no
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say

I can’t get no reaction
I try a car-stopping rear action
I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no

I miss my mom. She died a long time ago. But I can still hear her telling us to shut up–to the beat of a Johnny Cash tune.

Daughter Has Some Questions For Mom

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.

“Mommy, how old are you?

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, It’s not polite.”

“OK, “How much do you weigh?”

“Those are personal questions and are really none of your business.”

“Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, honey!”

The mother drove away as the two friends began to play.

“My Mom won’t tell me anything about her,” the little girl said to her friend.

“Well,” her friend said, “All you need to do is look at her driver’s license. It’s like a report card.”

Later that night the little girl said to her mother, “I know how old you are – you are 32.”

“How did you find that out?”

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.”

“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And, I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really, why?”

“Because you got an F in sex.”