3 Things You Are Doing Wildly Wrong on LinkedIn

LinkedIn has become a powerful tool for job seekers and networkers alike. If you told me 10 years ago there would be one source you could look up almost anything on anybody in business, I would have taken out my wallet so fast there would be fire burns on my fingers. Bottom line – you need to be on LinkedIn in order to be as successful as possible.

At the same time, too many of you are making basic mistakes. Avoid these three glaring errors to maximize your use of this great platform.

Shirtless Selfies

Apparently, some people think this is a dating site, because I’ve seen several executives use a shirtless selfie as their profile picture. Look, whether you are male or female, it’s nice you are proud of your physique, but a shirtless selfie on LinkedIn is not the place to show it off. Save that for Tinder.

Over-Humblebragging

Anytime you start a number of updates or posts with, “For the past three years, it’s been an honor to lead my team to the best sales in the company’s history….,” just stop. Clearly, you are humblebragging about how great you are.

Do it enough, and you might get the LinkedIn Over-Humblebragging Award of the Month, which you would probably also post about, telling us how humbled and honored you are.

LION

LION stand for LinkedIn Open Networker. It’s a moniker for people who basically accept any invitation from others seeking to connect. True LION’s have 20,000 or 30,000 contacts, limited only by LinkedIn’s connection ceiling.

Hey, it’s great you want to meet and greet everyone in the world. But the chances of productive interaction with that many people are around zero. Would you invite them all to your wedding? Well, maybe you would, but you are going to need a much bigger hall, like maybe Dodger Stadium.

7 Ways to Develop New Business on Social Media

Developing traffic, sales and clients for your business is easier than ever with social media. Use these seven ideas as often as possible to get the most out of this exciting commerce channel:

Send Instagram message such as, “Yo, you got any business for us over here?”

Join the maximum number of groups on LinkedIn in your niche, then send connection requests to every member of each group. Write it just like this with the blanks intact: “Dear _________. Thanks for connecting. I look forward to sharing many ___________ about our shared love of __________.”

Friend 10,000 people you don’t know on Facebook, get banned, then run Google ads that say, “How I Got Banned on Facebook and Generated $10,000,000!”

Post lots of pictures with you on a yacht with good-looking friends, exotic guns and stacks of cash. After the pictures are shot, pay off the actors and boat owner who you told you were making a rap music video.

Announce you have started a new LinkedIn clone called DollarDollarHollerforDollars.com.

Tweet the following message 490 times a day: “Hey, guys, quit avoiding the obvious. You know you like me, you really, really like me.”

Drive social media traffic to your site filled with useful content such as “7 Ways to Make Money While Fly-Fishing in Your Batman Underwear” and “How I Built a Fortune Selling Key Chains Made From Custom Braids of Renaissance Faire Maidens.”

An Open Letter To Multi-Group Facebook Posters

Dear Multi-Group Facebook Poster:

Thank you for the update about your weekly comedy open mic show at a local bar. You obviously took at least a full 5 minutes to create the graphics in Microsoft Paint. It’s good to see someone with some graphic skills. Not everyone can use that shade of green in text like you can — it takes training and dedication over many years. Thank you.

By the way, you must know I am a busy person, because you were kind enough to post the same graphic in every Facebook comedy group I belong to — it’s amazing how many comedy groups there are! We both love comedy, and it’s great to get notification 24x that you made the same post in each group. It helps because I don’t always see the message completely the first 10 or 12x it appears in my news feed. Around the 20th time, it registers what you are promoting. Again, thanks for the same post in every group, each time with the same colorful green font.

Yours in stand-up comedy,

Joe

7 Ways My Life Improved When I Got Off Facebook

Courtesy US National Archives
Courtesy US National Archives

Facebook is the dominant social media of our time. Unfortunately, it also is the number one time waster for people of all ages. One day, I suddenly decided to get off of Facebook. Here’s how my life changed at that point.

Better Relationships

I was spending so much time on Facebook, all of my relationships were on Facebook. When I finally got off the service, I was able to approach people in real life without asking them if I could send them a friend request first.

Better Recognition

When I was on Facebook, I could only recognize people from photos they posted. If a friend never posted any personal pictures, I had no idea what they looked like. When I got off Facebook, I had to meet them in person, I finally got visual confirmation they were actually alive.

Real Conversations

Once I was able to meet real people in real life, I found that I was able to have conversations about things that were not necessarily about items posted on Facebook. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but I found that real people can talk about a variety of subjects for hours. They just talk. Strangers don’t butt in with comments out of the blue. It’s an amazing thing.

Things That Matter

Another development that occurred when I got off Facebook is I started talking about things that actually matter. While I was using Facebook, for reasons unknown, I was attracted to videos of dogs skateboarding, pictures of ugly people at Walmart and other things that don’t really matter.

In person, you tend to talk about your real life and the people in it. It takes a little getting used to to live this way, but once you give it a try, it’s not long before you are talking and chatting like a normal person.

Drop in Anxiety

Facebook is amazingly anxiety producing. When you post a photo, picture or comment on Facebook, you are subconsciously wondering if other people saw, understood and appreciated it.

In real life, you will get response to your ideas immediately. You can tell by the visual feedback whether somebody is accepting your premise, story or joke, or if they think it’s dumb, pedantic and repulsive. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to see your ideas flourish or die a thousand deaths right before your very eyes.

Better Physical Condition

Even if you try to limit your time on Facebook, there will be times where you look up and nine or 10 days have passed by. Your hand is cramped into a claw-like grip that is the exact shape needed for scrolling through your Facebook timeline for hours on end.

Your back has locked in your chair because you have not moved. The muscles, not being needed anymore, have decided to stop working. This is known as Facebook Lock, and can only be solved with major surgery involving seven or eight medical teams working around the clock for 30 days.

Getting off of Facebook means your body will move as it was intended to. You’ll put one foot in front of the other in order to propel yourself to new destinations.

Your arms will swing freely by your side in order to help the walking procedure. Your voice will return as you communicate as God wanted — not through your keyboard. Better physical condition is one of the major benefits of getting off of Facebook.

Discover New Relatives

Once you get off of Facebook, there is a high likelihood you will discover you have children you never knew about living in your house. Or perhaps you have moved to a new neighborhood and no one ever told you. You will discover a entire world of new information and people — things that were not on Facebook, yet existed in real life outside your room or office.

Have fun out there.