3 Ways to Wake Up When You Really, Really Need To

Sleep is great. Waking is another matter. Do you have problems waking up in the morning? Try these three methods.

Wile E. Coyote Method

Run a line of gunpowder from the foot of your bed, down the hall and out the front door. When you go to bed, light the fuse. The line should be long enough to last for a good night’s sleep. It should blow up on time in the morning, sending you flying through the air right into the shower. You will have to experiment with the length of the gunpowder line until you get it right.

Cold Meat Method

Rig a trap drawer with a timer set to drop 100-200 pounds of raw meat on you when you need to get up. Try different types of meat to determine which wakes you up better. I’ve heard people have good success with chicken breasts, New York Strip steak and ribs.

Firehose Method

Acquire an actual firehose from your local fire department. Hire a family member to turn it on 10 minutes before you need to wake up, blasting you against the wall with a forceful jet of water. With practice, you can also use this as your shower, further improving your wake up routine.

3 Alarm Clocks for Heavy Sleepers

Is there a heavy sleeper in your house? Maybe your partner, child, or relative is the one who sleeps like a log in the forest. If there is a heavy sleeper in your house who you can’t wake up in time for school or work, here are three alarm clocks that will get them up-and-at-’em.

Blanket Drag

The blanket toss requires some strength, but is very effective. Drag the blanket with the person still on it to the nearest Starbucks. Have everyone in the store yell the heavy sleeper’s name at the same time. “Wake up, Brenda! Wake up!”

A Thousand Tickles

Take 1000 feathers and tickle them while saying, “Are you getting up, now? Huh? Are you?” as they convulse in tickle panic and laugh so hard they throw up.

Helicopter Drop

Cut a hole in the roof of you house beforehand. The next time they won’t wake, lower a rope from a helicopter through the roof. Lift their entire bed and float it out over the nearest ocean, lake or deep river. Drop the bed in the water and watch the fun. Who’s awake now?