Winter is over, spring has sprung! Wait- snow in the forecast?
When you have 12 projects due and it’s 61 degrees outside…in February…in the Midwest.
The Cirinak sisters waited patiently on the mountain for Father to whittle the ski poles he forgot to make.
Due to severe weather in February of this year, a man was seen walking around town with his small dog perched on top of his head.
“I use my dog like one of those furry Russian hats with the ear flaps,” the man said. “I looked down and realized he was the exact right size for my head.”
The dog rides along with his paws dangling, covering either the man’s ears or forehead, depending on the direction of the wind.
Sally stood in front of the back hall racks where her various winter footwear stood patiently waiting.
“First day over 50 degrees in 3 months,” she said to her dog Pip who sat on the ground over near the register. “I don’t know what to wear.”
“Should I wear tennis shoes with a light grip so I can still walk on the ice, but the clear areas will be easier to walk? If I go that direction, I might have a tough time with the soft snow that is starting to melt in the sun.”
“How about my hiking boots, not the heavy ones but the lighter ones that still have that cool sole, but they aren’t so clunky as the big ones that look like you could use to walk on a glacier?”
Pip stared at her as she surveyed the racks for what seemed like half an hour. It was like this every year on the first warm weather day after a long winter.
“Come here, my old friend,” she said, pulling her L.L. Bean duck boots from a cubby hole, a pair she’s had since college. They were made by hand in Maine, with thick rubber on the bottom and leather uppers that were nicked from years of wear. The chain-tread bottoms were a little worn, but still looked good.
“These are the ones, Pip! Light and waterproof. I can just walk right through the puddles!”
Pip turned his head and looked out the window. Sunshine filled half the room, spilling into the kitchen.
“Finally we have a decision,” he thought.
An Ohio woman in Cleveland’s “Snow Belt” east of town was arrested today after police found her shooting a gun out of a front window at nearby snowbanks, crying and screeching over and over, “Winter will never end! Winter will never end!” She was placed on a protective hold in a local mental facility until her trial comes up in June.
“Honestly, we could have scheduled the trial in March,” the judge said. “But we didn’t want to take the chance she would see snow and freak out.”
“Late February in Ohio has the highest incidence of winter-related breakdowns than any other time,” said the police chief. “We get more calls in those two weeks than the rest of the year. People start to snap due to the constant snowfall, frigid temperatures and endless days of grey, overcast skies. That and they live in Cleveland.”
A man in Cleveland, Ohio won’t refuses to shovel the sidewalks in front of his house despite record snowfall during a bitter winter.
“I’m just renting here,” John Notgoingtoshovelson explained. “Why should I shovel the walks when the owner should do it.”
During our interview, passers-by could be seen slipping and falling as they tried to negotiate the treacherous sidewalk. One elderly lady tried to drag her shopping cart laden with groceries through the muck. It spilled when it turned over.
“I don’t care about those people,” he said. “They should contact the owner. If people want me to clean the snow off the sidewalks, they can pay me.”
What? You are tired of winter? Aw, poor you! You want the sun to return and the endless grey skies of February to go away.
Your problem is you are weak. Take a lesson from these Canadians. They laugh at winter. Put on four pairs of long johns and come with us as we observe Canadians taking care of business.
Frozen seaways? Haha. Canadians just cut ice away from frozen lakes and ponds! Hey, want some fresh ice in your Scotch on the rocks?
You think you have a bad winter? This is Winnipeg in the middle of June. Spring won’t come until early July and summer is only a few weeks long!
You know what that lady is carrying? A bow and arrow covered in cloth. If they see any bison, she whips out the bow and brings down the beast with one shot. Dinner is served!
Too much snow on the lake to play hockey? No problem. These guys iced down an indoor greyhound racing track and started playing hockey within the next two hours!
Got the winter doldrums? These people spiced up their winter days by racing for food. Only the winner gets to eat. You don’t need shorter winters. You need better ideas.
This guy just pulled some fish out a hole he cut in the ice. Now he’s cutting the fish using a special boat he made with an old Sunfish sailboat and some indestructible kitchen knives he bought on QVC. You just need to get creative to enjoy winter, not hate it!
Hi mom, I love winter!
Aw, you find it hard to walk in the snow? These Canadians didn’t cry, they figured it out. Two tennis rackets and some duct tape and you are off and running!
No money for winter sports? Get out your toughest blanket and throw your friends around like popcorn in the skillet. Listen, Canada has winter down “cold.” You just need to try harder.
This Amish guy is going wild doing donuts in the snow with his horse and buggy. Only in Ohio.
This guy needs a coat. And I need a translator.
The guy behind YouTube channel Minnesota Cold has made a series of videos showing how darn cold it actually gets there. This time he ices down his trampoline.
Ski area Snow Awesome in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan recently added a Giant Tubing section for funseekers. Giant Tubes are extremely large tires made from huge mining tractors.
“These tubes are ginormous,” said Wally “Tubeski” Wallersonster, general manager of Snow Awesome. “It’s one of our most popular attractions now. We still get mostly skiers and snowboarders, but Giant Tubers are on the rise.”
Giant Tubes can accommodate 70 or 80 people on one tube. There was a setback earlier this year when one Giant Tube jumped the lane it was in, floated out into the parking lot, smashing cars and running over people until it came to rest down the hill at the local drive-in movie theater.
“The movie was ‘The Thing From Space’,” explained drive-in manager Joe “Speak Easy” Torteliniski. “When the Giant Tube crashed into several cars here, people actually thought it was some part of the movie, like all of a sudden it was 3D or something like that.”
Humorist Lynette K. G. Sheffield discusses Oregon college football and the lawn that ascended to heaven.