This 7-Minute Workout Is All You Need for Peak Performance

Pressed for time? Can’t get that workout in?

It’s hard to find time to exercise today with all the things you have to do. Yet you need to exercise to perform at the top of your game.

This 7-Minute workout is all you need to keep fit.

Minute 1 – Wiggle Your Ears

Wiggle your ears as fast as you fan to warm up.

Minute 2 – Blink Your Eyes

Your eyes are the window to the soul. Blink your eyes as rapidly as you can, while wiggling your ears if possible.

Minute 3 – Yodel

Loosen up your core by yodeling vigorously.

Minute 4 – Moonwalk

Now get your legs in the act by moonwalking around the room.

Minute 5 – Raise the Roof

Warm up your hands and arms by doing the raise the roof motion while moonwalking.

Minute 6 – Strength Moves

Now work on strength training by moving the furniture around the room at your spouses’ direction, only to move it back because “it doesn’t look right.”

Minute 7 – Cool Down

Cool down by taking a cold pitcher of Old Style beer and dumping it on your head. You weren’t going to drink that stuff, were you?

“Hey, can I borrow your phone?”

Outside the shower at the gym I heard, “Hey, can I borrow your phone?”

The sound of the rushing water made it hard to hear. Is somebody asking another person if they can borrow their phone? Who takes their phone to the showers?

“Hey, man, can I borrow your phone?” I hear again. I turned off the water.

“Are you talking to me?” I called out beyond my shower stall.

“Yeah, man.”

I pulled back the curtain. A hand from the next stall was sticking out of the shower next door, cupped like they expected me to pour soap in it.

“Can I borrow some soap?”

“Oh, soap. I thought you said phone.”

Who borrows soap?

“Here, take the whole bottle.”

I left quick.

Crazy People at the Gym: Mr. My-Headphones-Are-Bigger-Than-My-Head

Like many people at the gym, Mr. My-Headphones-Are-Bigger-Than-My-Head is into listening to music while working out. To get the best sound, he uses only the best headphones possible. And to duplicate the live concert experience, he likes to use giant headphones that spread out from his head like moons on a planet that never escaped gravity enough to go fully into their own orbit.