Things TV Sales Reps Say To Media Buyers

“Added value? Do I get added value when I buy a movie ticket?”

“I’m sorry, none of your schedule ran due to political. Lunch?

“We endeavor…”

“I’ll be in late tomorrow. I have a call on the far west side.”

“Listen, it’s Boston. Of course the weather affected the ratings.”

“Hey, captain, this ain’t ‘Two Broke Girls.’ This is quality. Your client said they want quality, right? Well, here you go.”

“What do you mean, you don’t eat sushi? Are you from Chicago?”

“Your spot was preempted due to a tech error. Oh, it was a test schedule? Sorry.”

“The logs are closed for the weekend.”

“What’s that? Oh, we don’t factor in the last two books.”

“Added value? How about the fact that we are number one in your demo? There’s your added value.”

“What do you mean, you are averaging four books?”

“You have to use the 4-week cume. We kill them in weekly cume.”

“Did you see the last page of the book? they were running a contest in the late news. So you have to throw out their number.”

“What’s that? Well, the crawl across the bottom with the storm warning is part our commitment to the local community. People turn to us when they want news first! So we actually added viewers to your spot. Don’t worry, it’s no extra charge.”

“This show is hot! The finale is going to kill! We based the finale estimate on the MASH finale February 28, 1983. It pulled a 135.7 rating with a 95 share. But, tell you what, let’s shave a tenth of a point because we have cable in the mix now.”

“Listen, champ, we are going to post your schedules by hand. Because we care about you, that’s why.”

“They totally lose the lead-in because their local news sucks.”

“We are basing our estimate on Friends in 1999 because this is a similar ensemble cast.

“Sorry, kiddo, I can’t get the rates to you because my station manager is on a plane right now.”

“Hey, man, I’m bringing over bagels for the all the buyers. By the way, your Super Bowl spot ran in the post game. Don’t worry, we will make it good sometime in the next four years.”

“Come on, kiddo, you know I only eat sushi at Urasawa.”

“What, you are bringing 5 assistants to our lunch at Nobu?”

“Good news, champ! We overdelivered on your post for the quarter. We are still trying to work in the 2000 points we owe you from the 90s.”

“You know, it’s political! Yes, I KNOW there is no election in the state. It’s local city council.”

“All those deals we cut under the old station ownership are thrown out.”

“Sorry, we wiped out your whole schedule for two months. You know, political, what can you do? Lunch?”

“Your spot ran in game! What do you mean, it ran in the post game? That is part of the game.”

“Here’s the deal, Tiger…You can buy radio all day. But TV is the only medium with sight, sound, color, motion and emotion! We win elections and stop wars!”

“Listen, my sales manager with the limp and body odor is hot on selling Wimbledon. I think he might get a trip there or something. Just buy one spot, and I’ll take your whole team to Koi.”

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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