Tiger Woods Contemplates New Careers After 85 At The Memorial

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Tiger Woods shot the worst round of his professional golf career over the weekend when he carded an 85 on Saturday at the 2015 Memorial Golf Tournament at Muirfield in Columbus.

Insiders say the round has made Tiger consider new vocations as he contemplates stepping off the pro golf merry-go-round which has exacted a toll on his physical and emotional health.

“Tiger is ready to let it go,” said long-term Tiger watcher. “He’s been in the public eye since he was a teenager. He is exhausted and wants a new gig.”

Here are the new jobs Tiger is rumored to be considering:

Scooter Tour Leader

He is looking to purchase a scooter tour company in Myrtle Beach. He would be the lead tour guide, taking gangs of scooters around the area to learn about the best beaches, bars and local hot spots.

Executive Chef

Always a fan of fine food, Tiger has mentioned many times he wants to be the next Gordon Ramsay. To prepare, he has been cooking many meals at tour stops for select guests.

Drill Bit Maker

Growing up, Tiger always wore a tool belt and would repair things around the house. He always dreamed of his own line of drill bits called Tiger Eyes.


Tiger has approached Shaquille O’Neal to star with him in a buddy cop movie called, “Chamberneazy and Tiger.” The script called for them to drive around Miami, stopping escaping criminals by hitting them with basketballs and golf balls.


Few people know Tiger is an excellent painter and sculptor. He has a collection of paintings he did of David Feherty he calls “Feherty Follies.”

Tiger has made no official announcement, but experts expect him to let us know soon what his next move will be.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.