At the races

Top 7 Easiest Cities To Get Out of A Speeding Ticket

You have things to do. You are in a hurry. Go, go, go. Oops, here comes la policia. Looks like a ticket.

Well, if you live in one of the seven cities, you have a good chance of getting out of it. Here are the secrets to get out of tickets in each town.

Boston, MA

The key to get out of a ticket in Boston is to tell the police your brother works undercover in Braintree. If the officer asks you his name, say you don’t want to compromise his identity. This works 78 percent of the time.

Oklahoma City, OK

Oklahoma City police are notorious for letting people out of tickets if they give them a dozen Dunkin Donuts in specially marked boxes with the Thunder logo on top. This works 82 percent of the time.

Courtesy San Diego Air and Space Museum via Flickr Commons
Courtesy San Diego Air and Space Museum via Flickr Commons

Walla Walla, WA

Stopped in Walla Walla, WA? Say that you were on you way to a moose convention. You were speeding because you are the emcee and a moose gave you the wrong starting time. This works 84 percent of the time.

Omaha, NE

“Ma’am, I am Warren Buffet’s personal chef. If you don’t let me go, I’ll blame you for Warren’s dinner being late.” This works 85 percent of the time.

Des Moines, IA

“Sir, I am transporting some pickled relish to the good people of Altoona. Are you going to deny them their right to pickled relish?” This works 89 percent of the time.

Norfolk, VA

“Listen, here’s the deal. I’m full of gumption, gummy bears and my love of UVA Basketball. You let me off, and I’ll get you some sweet, sweet gummies and UVA tix.” Works 93 percent of the time.

Pittsburgh, PA

“Thank you for pulling me over for speeding, officer. It gives me the opportunity to tell you about my MLM opportunity.” Use this line, and you will get out of 100 percent of tickets.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.