Travel Tips: Yellowstone National Park

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Many folks are heading to Yellowstone National Park this year to see Old Faithful and the other sites. Here are ten travel tips to make your visit safer and more enjoyable.

1. Yellowstone is over 2 million acres, many of them still unclaimed. You still have a chance to claim an acre and set up a log cabin.

2. 978 people were eaten by bears at Yellowstone last year. For the love of heaven, please don’t feed the bears. Why won’t you people listen?

3. Old Faithful is so named because it erupts regularly on July 4th every year. You must arrive by June 10th and line up to see this amazing natural firework.

4. You’ll need more days than you think to explore the whole park, including the 210 gift shops.

5. Yellowstone is sponsored by Budweiser. Park visitors are reminded they can only drink Bud. Anyone found drinking other beers will be fed to the bears.

6. People don’t realize there are different regions within the park. Take time to explore them. Try Canadastan, a region set aside for Canadians. It features hockey-playing bison and beavers that make elaborate dams out of Molson bottles.

7. Last year a lady tried to feed a bear from her car window. The bear car-jacked her Lexus and drove to Vegas for two weeks. Do not feed the bears.

8. There are several hotels for those that do not want to camp. However, the hotel rooms are sparse. No Wi-fi, no refrigerator or adult channels.

9. Consider avoiding crowded campgrounds by camping in tree branches, only coming down for meals and calls of nature.

10. Always have a hiking buddy when going off-trail in remote areas. If you get lost and need to eat to survive, you always have each other. Just don’t fall asleep first.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.