Facing spiraling tuition costs and increasingly tight education budgets, the University of Texas at Austin has begun drilling for oil right on the campus.
“Texas is still rich with oil reserves,” said the University President at a press conference. “And we are blessed to be situated over one of the biggest deposits in the Western Hemisphere. We began a test program last summer, and moved to full time drilling over the fall of 2014. Oil derricks are now found throughout the main campus.”
Student organizations are also contributing. Local Greek houses now have oil derricks on their front lawns. The University diving team has converted the 10-meter diving platform into a derrick.
“We even have alumni willing to help out,” said the President. “One gentleman put a derrick in the front of his deli. It smells like hell, but his food was always bad anyway. It actually makes it seem edible.”