You Can Never Have Enough Obscure Tools in the Garage

Stan has a lot of tools. Tons of tools. Tools you’ve never seen before.

“What’s this one?” I asked, holding up what looked like a giant leather stamper.

“That’s for hitting squirrels when you are working high on telephone poles.”

“Did you used to work on telephone poles?”

“No, that one was in the garage of a house we bought. But I might use it someday.”

“How about this one?”

“That’s a hook-crooker. You can use it to hook on to lines and slide down them during tornado emergencies.”

“Have you ever had any threats of tornadoes?”

“No, but statistically that means we are due.”

Not exactly, I thought.

“How about this thing-a-bob?”

“That’s a jerk wrench. You can use it do spinners on bolts that are construed figuratively rather than in-line.”

I had no idea what that meant. But if you need some kind of tool, Stan is the man.

 


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.