Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems

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Joe Ditzel

Jamaica

Rocky Balboa: You know your kid sorta resembles ya. He’s got that thick Irish hair, you know.
Marie: …Yeah it’s the other one.
Rocky Balboa: …Yeah?
Marie: His father was from Jamaica.
Rocky Balboa: Jamaica… European… Was you on a cruise ship or somthin’ ?
Marie: [smiles] Not exactly.

– Rocky Balboa

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Joe Ditzel

Gotta be Girls

(at the booking office, trying to be hired)
Joe: What kind of a band is this, anyway?
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be under twenty-five.
Jerry: We could pass for that.
Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be blonde.
Jerry: We could dye our hair.
Sig Poliakoff: And you gotta be girls.
Jerry: We could…
Joe: No, we couldn’t!

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Joe Ditzel

Sickens

Al: Everybody, I have an announcement. Your happiness… sickens me. Everybody but me is looking at good times. But for me it’s been one long continuous year since I got married. Actually, one long month. Helluary.

– Married With Children

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Joe Ditzel

Dreaming

Al: Ah, Peg. You’re down here. Damn. Then I was dreaming you ran off with the dwarf down at the bookstore, and I was living in sin with a Playboy centerfold and her eight friends who could speak but chose not to.

– Married With Children

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Joe Ditzel

Salt

[Lefty is cooking dinner]
Lefty: Punch of salt.
Donnie Brasco: Punch?
Lefty: Punch. Punch of salt.
Donnie Brasco: Punch or pinch?
Lefty: Punch, punch. Not pinch. What’d I say? I say pinch?
Donnie Brasco: Nah, you said… you said punch.

– Donnie Brasco

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