TV

Al: Everybody, I have an announcement. Your happiness… sickens me. Everybody but me is looking at good times. But for me it’s been one long continuous year since I got married. Actually, one long month. Helluary.

– Married With Children

Al: Ah, Peg. You’re down here. Damn. Then I was dreaming you ran off with the dwarf down at the bookstore, and I was living in sin with a Playboy centerfold and her eight friends who could speak but chose not to.

– Married With Children

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I’m thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.

– David Letterman

Archie Bunker: When your mother-in-law and me was goin’ around together, it was two years – we never – I never – I mean absolutely nothin’, not ’til the wedding night.
Edith Bunker: Yeah, and even then…

– All in the Family

Ted Baxter: It’s actually tomorrow in Tokyo. Do you realize that there are people alive here in Minneapolis who are already dead in Tokyo?

– Mary Tyler Moore

Frank Burns: Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?
Trapper: It saves time, Frank.