10 Things Golfers Really Hate

Golfers have a lot to be grumpy about. They’ve chosen a sport that tops all others in frustration. Here are 10 things golfers really hate.

Great Weather

When the weather is great, golfers can’t say, “I thought it was going to be sunny today. I can’t play in this rain! Those forecasters are stupid!”

Brand New Golf Balls

A brand new golf ball eliminates the excuse of using old balls. “No wonder my drives are 30 yards short! All I have are these old balls my son gave me for Christmas!”

Well-marked Course

Golfers hate well-marked courses. It prevents them from using the excuse, “150 Yards from this mulberry bush? No way, dude! I sent it right over the green! 150 yards my butt!”

Riding In Carts

Carts keep most golfers from using the excuse of fatigue: “Woah, this walking is killing me. I don’t usually walk these kinds of hills. My swing is off.”

Good Coffee

Lousy coffee and bad food is a common excuse for poor play. Good, tasty coffee removes this excuse from their routine: “You call this coffee? How can I play at my best with this sludge in my gut?”

Plenty of Rest

“I didn’t sleep a wink. No wonder I’m slicing!” a golfer might say if they didn’t get enough rest.

Great Foursome

A great foursome makes a round enjoyable. They know the rules, the etiquette, keep play moving and are fun to be around. Many golfers hate this because it means they can’t say, “That jerk in the mutton-chops is throwing off my putting. Why does he wear an orange hat! Nobody wears an orange hat!”

No Injuries From High School Days

A reliable excuse for poor golf play is an injury from high school athletics. Without an injury, golfers can’t say, “I sprained this wrist senior year when I took us to State. Hasn’t been the same since and it’s really hurting my sand shots today.” The trick is to combine a golf excuse and humblebrag in the same sentence.

 Perfect Greens

Golfers hate perfect greens more than anything. Usually, every putt they leave short, blast past the whole or miss by the width of a car door they will blame on the greenskeeper. A perfect green means they can’t say, “These greens are terrible. Where did they find this greenskeeper — working on a bomb-testing site? I had the perfect read, and my ball rolled in the pond. I’m going to make sure the management knows what is going on out here!”

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.