Are You An Angry Golfer?
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Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Month: September 2010
Six Ways to Spend the $250,000 Your Grandmother Left You
1. Start a naked bowling league.
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2. Invest in a car that runs on power generated by the human cold.
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3. Build a golf course consisting of 1.5 holes.
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4. Start a skateboarding school for adorable dogs in funny videos.
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5. Create a social media site for people in the Witness Protection System.
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6. Start a storage company targeting ex-girlfriends with huge amounts of excess baggage.
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Ken Levine
Comedy musings from writer Ken Levine.
http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/
Greg Giraldo OD’s on Prescription Pills
Comedian Greg Giraldo is reported to have overdosed on prescription pills but it was not a suicide attempt. You may know Greg as one of the judges of the most recent Last Comic Standing that aired this summer on NBC.
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Told Gravely
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it; but the teller of the comic story tells you beforehand that it is one of the funniest things he has ever heard, then tells it with eager delight, and is the first person to laugh when he gets through. And sometimes, if he has had good success, he is so glad and happy that he will repeat the “nub” of it and glance around from face to face, collecting applause, and then repeat it again. It is a pathetic thing to see.
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Product Blend
How about this idea? We combine paint ball and beer pong– Beerball– you shoot colored balls of beer at the enemy team.
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Problems Pin
My dad was to the point: “Sit down, shut up.” My mom tried to treat each of the kids as an individual but there were a lot of us. So she pinned our individual problems on tags on our shirts: “Get off the furniture, ‘anxiety disorder’! Go get your brothers ‘lacks confidence’ and ‘easily bored and frustrated’ and set the table! Put away your toys ‘confused in thinking and has difficulty understanding the world around them’!
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Aliens Land
Two aliens land next to a golf course. They see a golfer whack his ball off the tee and into the rough. Then they see him, cursing all the way, storm up to the ball and hack away with an iron until he finally gets the ball out of the rough. And straight into a sand trap. So they watch him as, still cursing and red faced, he marches into the sand trap and hacks away at the ball until finally he gets out of the sand trap and onto the green and finally into the cup.
Says one alien to the other: “That guy is really screwed now.”
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The Wit and The Satirist
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people—that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature.
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Writing Quote: Totem
In Hollywood, you’re dealing with a power structure where the writer is really at the bottom of the totem pole. Actually, I think that the writer isn’t even at the bottom of the totem pole—they’re at the part that they stick in the ground, and then there’s the totem pole.
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The Saving Thing
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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TV Quote: The Master
Don’t worry. I’ll work it out. I’m a master of supplication.
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