3 Ways to Make Your Friends in Cold Climates Angry

Why pay for the privilege of living in Boca Raton, Corpus Christi or San Diego if you can’t rub it in the faces of your friends and relatives in Detroit and Montreal?

Box of Sunshine

Send an empty box to them around December 10th. Write “I’ve boxed up some sunshine from Clearwater, Florida for you to enjoy in Saskatoon. Use sparingly to last the winter.”

Instagram Slam

As soon as snow falls in the cold climate, begin posting pictures of you on the beach every 23 seconds on Instagram. Bonus points if you include the family dog wearing a funny sun hat and sunglasses.

Condolence Email

Try this email: “Dear Relative or Friend, It has come to my attention your family still lives in Boston (Chicago, New York City, wherever). Our deepest sympathies. We always enjoyed you folks, and will miss you here in sun-splashed Santa Barbara (Delray Beach, Destin, Yucatan, etc).”