Chicago fans were treated to the first Stanley Cup captured on their home ice in 77 years. That kind of patience calls for some serious partying. Reports are coming in from all over the region of the ways Chicago fans are celebrating this historic win.
O’Leary’s Barn Reenactment
A happy mob has set fire to the original site of O’Leary’s barn, the first building to burn in the 1871 fire that leveled the city.
The local Democrat political committee has dropped 10,000,000 stuffed donkeys on the city from a hot air balloon. Each donkey has a little hat that says “Blackhawks in 2015, Hillary in 2016!”
River Reversal Reversal
The Chicago River was reversed in 1900. So many revelers jumped into the water after the game wearing Blackhawks garb, the river swelled and began to reverse itself again.
Competing pizza shops began firing large Chicago-style deep dish pizzas at each other in a good-natured battle to celebrate the win. Rush street is now covered in mozzarella, pepperoni and tomato sauce a foot deep.
Second City improv actors are roaming the city, inviting partiers to “Give me a location!” No matter what the response, the improv players say, “I heard Chicago, City of Champions!”
Hot Dog Gun
Spurred on by the success of the Pizza Wars, local hot dog vendors began firing hot dogs and Polish sausage into the downtown area using specially made Gatling guns.
Donald Trump began showing a 40-story light show on the side of his Trump International Hotel and Tower. The display details the history of the Blackhawks, somehow crediting Trump with the formation and growth of the team.
It looks like things won’t calm down until the wee hours.
All in all, it was an impressive win. Congratulations to Chicago. You did good, kid.