At the races

Border Control Checkpoints at the Local Mall

They can’t even get border control right.

Did you know we have more than 70 interior border control checkpoints, located anywhere from 25 to 75 miles inside the country?

Let me restate that. These…border…checkpoints are up to 75 miles INSIDE the country.

Do they not have Google Maps?

“Are you an American citizen?”

That’s what they ask.

I mess with them: “I’m half American, half Irish. My mom was a God-fearing American and my dad was a leprechaun. Horrible father but he did make a great breakfast cereal.”

Why stop at 75? How about 200 miles? Why not 300 miles? Why not have them all over the country?

In shopping malls.

In gas stations: “There’s your change and I need to know if you are an American citizen.”

At the theater: “Here’s your Diet Coke and Twizzlers, and one last thing — are you an American citizen?”

“I refuse to answer your question!” you say.

“Sir, pull over into secondary, right over there by the popcorn machine.”


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.