City Or Country? A Home Buying Guide

Are you a city mouse or a country mouse? In this home buying guide, I’ll help you determine where you should look for your next home.

Do want a crazy nightlife?

Is your idea of a wild night watching “Two Broke Girls” on your antenna TV while sipping ice tea made with those giant raspberries from Tom’s Grocery with a little Russian potato vodka to give it an extra kick? You are a country mouse.

Do you like lots of lawn and yard space?

If you are comfortable living in a 230-square foot box with roaches and bedbugs, just so you can walk down to the local club to see the latest indie band play their college radio hits like, “Record Deals Are Death,” you are a city mouse.

Do you want it calm and quiet?

If you’d rather walk along your expansive porch, admiring the fireflies while Steely Dan plays softly out of open windows, you are a country mouse. If you like the sounds of tires screeching on pavement in the distance while you wait for the crunch of steel and glass, you are a city mouse.

Do you want to be close to work?

If you don’t mind driving 95 miles just to get to the cow manure conversion plant because it’s the only gainful employment in the area, you are a country mouse. If you don’t mind driving 95 miles from your suburban home to a job you hate in the city, the whole time thinking this is the only time you have alone to decompress from your crazy boss and crazier family, you are a city mouse.

Are you going to add to your family?

If you are have four kids who sleep on a quadruple-decker bunk bed you made out of scrap iron you found in trash bins on your street, and you have plans to build another one for your next four kids, you are a city mouse. If you already have eight kids, and are planning on building an dorm next to your barn to handle eight more to help with chores around the farm, you are a country mouse.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.