At the races

Former Cruise Ship Workers Spill The Beans on What Goes on Behind the Scenes

Ever wonder what the truth is behind the smiles and endless buffet aboard a cruise ship? Former cruise employees get real.

The Ship Never Leaves the Dock

The ship never leaves the dock. Holograms run 24-hours a day around the ship, saving the cruise line enormous amounts on fuel. They change the hologram for each port of call.

The Alcohol is Bottom Shelf

Just like at your parties in college, for the first hour of the cruise the ship serves top shelf liquor to look cool, and then downshifts to moonshine-level gasoline to save money.

The Crew Has No Idea What They Are Doing

Most of the crew are former carnies from those D-list carnivals that move from small town to hovel. If there is an emergency, you are on your own — the only thing they can help you with is throwing a ball into a milk can.



About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.