3 Reasons You Should Not Have Children

Children are great, I mean if they never said anything or made any sounds at all. But if your spouse REALLY is pressuring you to have a few, run these three reasons by them to not have children.

Lose Friends

As soon as you have kids, your “BFF” will soon become Best Friend Forever That I Never See Ever (BFFTINSE).

Diminished Marriage

Your spouse is A-1 in your life, right. Well, when the kids show up, your spouse will move to the number two position and never recover.

Decaying Health

Staying healthy is easy — get enough sleep, eat right, exercise. All three of those go out the window when kids start populating your house. Welcome to Take Out Pizza For the Rest Of Your Days on This Planet.

3 Types of Child Behavior You Shouldn’t Take Lightly

Are you a parent? Be aware of these child behaviors and take action quickly.

Screaming at the Top of Their Lungs

If your child screams at the top of her lungs in restaurants, malls and churches, congratulations. You have the next Christina Aguilera on hand. Get an agent and buy homes in Nashville and the Hollywood Hills.

Stealing Things From Others

Ever caught your precious stealing things from others? Encourage more of this. It shows they have creative thinking and problem solving skills. Later, when they are 18 or 19, if they are not in jail yet, you can explain it is not nice to steal.

Disrespectful Attitude

When you ask your child to take out the trash, do they say, “Yeah, right, do I work for the city now?” If so, you should write this down and send it in to Reader’s Digest. They will pay top dollar for cute things kids say. You may even want to have more kids to have an endless supply of material.