How to Ghost Your First Job

Hey, now. I’ve been there. You get a sinking feeling on your first day on the job that you’ve just make a horrible mistake. For me, it was a moribund company in a declining industry.

Don’t do what I did — stick it for four years. I suggest you ghost on the first day. That’s right — quit, but don’t tell anyone. Here are some tips.

Lunch Anyone

It’s common for teams to take new employees to lunch on their first day. DON’T ride with other employees. Take your own car, and never go back to the office.

Hide In Closet

If you can’t get out of the office to make your escape, hide in a closet until everybody has left. They’ll think you died and will hire a new person for your position by the end of the next business day.

Fake Your Death

If that doesn’t work, go ahead and fake your death. Make up a dummy from the garbage in the trash can in your cubicle. Singe the left hand of the dummy with a lighter, then stick one of the fingers (not yours!) in an electrical outlet. Again, they’ll assume you were electrocuted and will call the next candidate to come back for another interview.

10 of the Freakiest Haunted Houses Ever Known

Clarendon House – Groton-On-Hudson, NY

In 1870, the Sewisse family lost their lives when a crazed stranger shot them as they sang Christmas carols around the campfire. Now people report gun shots every December, although skeptics say it could be the rifle range next door.


Skrill House – Swamp Cider, TN
In 1850, Joshua and Martha Skrill were returning from Sunday school when a disgruntled laborer cut their necks from ear to ear. Some say it was because Martha Skrill made the staff sing “Row, Row Your Boat” over and over as they did chores.


Sam Tuell Stop – Broken Foot, NE


One of the first stops on the old Pony Express, Sam Tuell was murdered in cold blood by a tall man with Winchester rifle. The killer was never found, and the postal tradition of lost and delayed mail was started.


Agnes Horton House – Dunkirk, ME


Agnes Morton lived alone in this brick colonial when she was found swinging from a rope in an upstairs bedroom. She has been seen floating through the halls, opening and closing outside shutters, and watching HBO until the wee hours.


Whispering Willow Cabin – Tupelo, MS


In 1888, the Morissimo family lived in this cabin outside Tupelo where they crafted custom cabinets for surrounding communities. In March, 1889, the family was found murdered in the small shop out back. Each was branded with the family artisan label.  In the dead of winter, area residents say they can hear old man Morrisimo whistling as he saws away, still working in the afterlife.


Willowgrass Place – Learden, KS


On the windswept plains of Kansas, Patch Liliopski was found dead in the kitchen of this house in Learden. Known for his popular magic show that he performed in the area, police suspected an audience member who claimed Mr. Liliopski made his silver dollar disappear and never made it come back. Charges were never filed.


Smith Place – Williamstown, CA


Located in the Sonoma hills north of San Francisco, the Smith Place was a popular inn for travelers heading north to Oregon. In 1910, 15 travellers and Augie Smith were murdered by a man playing a flute while he shot each one with a gold-handled revolver. The story was later revived in a Jethro Tull song called “Augie Died at the Hand of the Flute Man.”


Gorsham Inn – Naugust, IL


John “Big Johnny” Gorsham and his wife, Penelope, ran an illegal gambling club out of this residence in Central Illinois in the 1920s. Found murdered in their secret poker room, many believe they were caught skimming payments they made to Chicago mob bosses that frequented their well-known operation. Some report hearing “Big Johnny” sing one of his famous ditties like “You Gotta Know When to Fold Em, and You Gotta Know When to Shoot Them Between the Eyes.”


Triad Gardens – Des Moines, IA


The Triad Mansion near downtown Des Moines was constructed during America’s Gilded Age for Tommy Triad and his family. With the direction of Mary Triad, the grounds were build to exact specifications including a long walk to the main house through large hedgerows. She was found hanging from the main gate at the end of the walk, reportedly by her husband after she yelled at him for using the wrong spoon at the breakfast table.