Trump’s State of the Union Address 2018 Review

Reactions to President Donald Trump’s 2018 State of the Union address are mixed throughout the world. Supporters praised the things he has accomplished in only one year on the job, while critics lambasted his “alternate reality.”

Speech Too Long

A common response from both sides was that the speech was too long. Kyle Myheadhurtsbadsky from Kansas said was a Trump supporter. He knew the speech was too long when “my cows turned off the TV in the barn just to get some sleep.”

American Strength

Joy Ihopehequitsthejob of North Carolina was comforted by Trump’s discussion on improving America’s strength. “Of course, Obama is at fault. He made us weaker than ever. We were down to 2 battleships, 5 tanks and a flotilla of guys dressed as rubber decks from the Doo Dah Parade. Sad.”

Open Guantanamo

In his latest effort to erase everything President did, Trump discussed a series of steps he has taken, including issuing an executive order to keep Guantanamo Bay open indefinitely. Kyle Teapartystan also liked Trump’s attack on Obama’s golf handicap, purportedly three strokes better than Trump’s. “Obama could not possibly be a five handicap,” Trump told the nation. “I’ve opened an investigative commission to learn the truth.”

 

Donald Trump’s State of the Union Address 2018

Tonight the President will give his State of the Union Address for 2018. It’s not known at this writing if he will cover these current hot topics American life in the limited time he has available.

  • The 2018 Grammy’s last Sunday night once again pretended hip hop doesn’t exist despite dominating most playlists on Spotify. It is almost as if they want to bring back the past and deny what people listen to in the present. In other news, they are working on bringing back actual Gramaphones.
  • The National Hockey League will not allow players to compete for their respective teams in the 2018 Winter Olympics. That leaves countries scrambling for players, calling upon retired players like Martin Brodeur, Sergei Gonchar and Kevin Lowe. Tylenol has put together a sponsorship tied to the retired players, providing giant bottles of the painkiller for locker rooms, team buses and behind the bench.
  • After wearing headphones for several hours, I will still feel them on my head long after removing them.
  • College athletes who attract huge amounts of money to their universities will still not get paid one thin dime. Meanwhile, coaches and athletic programs will continue to receive millions in sponsorship fees.
  • Russia will expand their infiltration of American social media platforms in an effort to grow export sales of vodka, hockey, and Russian mail-order brides.

 

 

 

7 Funny Travel Warnings By Foreign Governments About US

"First Japanese passport 1866" by World Imaging - Own work, photographed at the Japan Foreign Ministry Archives. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:First_Japanese_passport_1866.jpg#/media/File:First_Japanese_passport_1866.jpg
First Japanese passport 1866” by World ImagingOwn work, photographed at the Japan Foreign Ministry Archives. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Foreign governments try to warn their citizens about the potential hazards in countries around the world where they may be traveling. Their missives include warnings about political hotspots, dangerous areas and other cautionary messages to help keep their citizens safe abroad.

Their comments about the US border on comedy.

Here are some examples:

  • In Wisconsin, do not wear cheese heads in hardtop vehicles. – Japanese government

 

  • Avoid Cleveland, Ohio. – German government

 

  • When traveling through Kansas, avoid trying to win plush toys with the crane game at truck stops. – Swedish government

 

  • Bring plenty of cash to San Francisco. Sidewalk squares rent for $7,000/night. – British government

 

  • Residents in Southern states may be difficult to understand due to their accents, especially if they are eating some praise-the-Lord-this-is-good sweet potato pie from Momma’s house. – Italian government

 

  • Do not speak to anyone in New York City. Anyone. – Spanish government

 

  • You may run into giddy people in groups of 4 spelling O-H-I-O with their bodies. They are generally safe to approach as long as long as you offer them beer. – Russian government

Wow, those are dire warnings from around the world. No wonder tourism is down.

How Soccer Is Changing To Appeal To American Sports Fans

Despite strong growth over the past few decades, soccer remains a niche sport in the United States, falling far behind the sports of football, baseball, basketball and even hockey in popularity.

Soccer leaders are listening, and recently proposed rule changes to make the sport more appealing to American sports fans. Do you agree with these proposals? Let your favorite soccer teams know!

 

howtoplaysoccer00stew_048

Two-Man Spin Tackle

Here two players are preparing to tackle the opponent with the ball. One player target the upper body while his teammate crashed into the lower body. The idea is to get the opponent’s body spinning so fast he flies out of the stadium.

 

 

howtoplaysoccer00stew_012

Wall of Shame Penalty Kick

Players are lined up while opponents reveal deep secrets about them. The goal is to anger the players in the Wall of Shame so much, they break ranks, allowing the penalty kicker a better chance of scoring a goal.

 

 

howtoplaysoccer00stew_014

Drone Balls

Soccer balls will be equipped with small drones which will lift it high above the stadium, dropped at random times and even into the crowd of drunken soccer hooligans.

 

 

howtoplaysoccer00stew_016

Space And Time Mind Control

Here a player is shown using mind control to freeze the action so he can trap the ball and speed down the field.

 

 

howtoplaysoccer00stew_038

Tiger Traps

Similar to the Roman gladiators of yore, Tiger Traps are underground traps that open randomly during game play. Players falling into the traps face tigers who have been starved for 1 week before the match.

 

 

howtoplaysoccer00stew_046

Spike Balls

Here you can see a player wince as a Spike Ball hits his body. Spike balls feature sharp iron spikes that jut out from the ball when it rises above two feet off the ground.