10 bad jokes about Colorado Springs
High Up
Colorado Springs is so high up that even the squirrels get altitude sickness. That’s why they move so slow—it’s not indecision, it’s hypoxia.
Pikes Peak Problems
A tourist in Colorado Springs asks a local, “What’s the best way to get to the top of Pikes Peak?”
The local says, “Well, you could take the Cog Railway, drive the highway, or hike the trail.”
Tourist: “Which one do you recommend?”
Local: “I don’t. I moved here for the view, not the effort.”
Gone With the Wind
The wind in Colorado Springs is so strong, I saw a guy throw a frisbee and two days later it was declared airspace violation over Kansas.
Landlocked Seafood
I tried to open a seafood restaurant in Colorado Springs, but it turns out people here don’t trust fish that hasn’t had to fight for oxygen.
Altitude Adjustment
A guy moves to Colorado Springs and tells his friend, “I’ve never lived somewhere so high up before!”
His friend says, “Yeah, you get used to it.”
“How long did it take you?”
“Oh, I don’t live here. I just visit long enough for my sinuses to explode and then I leave.”
Predator-Prey Relationship
Colorado Springs is where nature and civilization meet—specifically, where tourists meet mountain lions and we see who’s higher on the food chain.
Divine Frustration
Every time I visit the Garden of the Gods, I get the feeling the gods just abandoned their boulders in frustration. Like, “You know what? Earth is a fixer-upper, I’m out.”
Earn Your Calories
People in Colorado Springs love hiking. Not because they enjoy nature, but because it’s the only way to justify eating a 5,000-calorie meal at a brewery afterward.
Broadmoor or Bust
The Broadmoor is the only hotel where you check in and immediately feel like the bellhop is about to ask if you have a trust fund or if you’re here by accident.
NORAD Logic
I don’t trust NORAD being in Colorado Springs. Why hide America’s missile defense system inside a mountain? That’s like keeping your home security system inside the fridge.
