10 Fast Excuses – Pandemic Edition
Sometimes you just need a fast excuse when somebody asks you for a favor out of the blue. Try these:
- Hi, can I get a ride to the airport? Sorry, I can’t, I have to try to sell a storage unit full of toilet paper I hoarded in April.
- Hi, could you help me move some furniture on Saturday? I’d love to, but I’m auditioning for a sequel to Jim Carrey in the Mask. It’s called Wear Your Mask, You Big Dummy.
- Hello, could you pick up some things at the store for me? Well, I would but the store has these one-way aisles now and last time I went the wrong way and spent 3 days in county jail.
- Hi, is it possible for you to drop this off at the hospital. I would, but I don’t go in hostpitals because I’m afraid they are going to put an 13-inch Q-Tip through my nose and it will come out my ear.
- Hi, can you give me directions to downtown. Well, I would, but I cant remember. I got caught in a protest and got hit in the head with Strawberry Frappucnico.
- Can you plays us some songs on guitar? I would but I don’t do anything without wearing gloves these days, so my version of Uptown Funk comes out sounding like Black Sabbaths Crazy Train.
- Why don’t we get on a Zoom call and chat? I would but I was banned from zoom when my dog started barking and I got up to quiet him down but I forgot I wasn’t wearing any pants. Or anything else.
- Hey, wait up, I’ll walk there with you. No thanks, I have a 35-foot social-distancing rule. For body odor.
- Hey, can you hold the door for me? I would but I head you coughing for 5 minutes in the parking lot and I left my full body hazmat suit in the car.
- Hey, can I borrow your truck this Saturday? I would but I’m taking it in to be desanitized from the last time you borrowed it.
