10 Moments Employees Realized HR Was Not Their Friend
HR is supposed to be the bridge between employees and management, a safe space where workplace concerns are heard and resolved. But sometimes, that bridge turns out to be a drawbridge, lifting up and dumping you into a moat filled with bureaucratic nonsense. Here are ten absurd tales of when employees realized Human Resources was playing for the other team.
The Compliment File
Susan thought HR had her back until she stumbled upon a secret file labeled “Unapproved Compliments.” It cataloged every time she dared to say “nice shoes” or “great work” to a colleague without pre-clearing it with management. Turns out, HR considered unauthorized positivity a “non-compliance issue.”
Mandatory Trust Falls—Over a Trapdoor
A team-building exercise took a dark turn when HR introduced trust falls… over an actual trapdoor. Employees later discovered the trapdoor led to the break room, but that didn’t stop HR from making everyone sign waivers before they “plummeted into solidarity.”
Casual Fridays Sponsored by a Dry Cleaner
Casual Fridays seemed fun until employees noticed fines for wearing wrinkled jeans or “overly adventurous patterns.” Turns out HR had partnered with a local dry cleaner, raking in cash from a scheme that made everyone question their definition of “business casual.”
The Surveillance “Wellness” Program
HR rolled out a wellness app that promised to track fitness goals and improve mental health. But employees became suspicious when step counts weren’t the only thing being logged. It turned out the app’s primary purpose was identifying who had been stealing Karen’s yogurt from the fridge since 2017.
The Fake Birthday Party Sting
Michael’s surprise birthday party was less about cake and more about surveillance. HR used the occasion to catch employees sneaking extra slices of pizza. Each infraction earned a penalty: a three-hour lecture on workplace integrity and the confiscation of your party hat.
Performance Reviews Based on Horoscope Charts
Jessica realized HR had lost the plot when her annual review featured comments like, “Your Mercury retrograde energy is really bumming out the team” and “As a Gemini, management doesn’t trust you to stay consistent.” Apparently, the stars held more sway than her actual performance metrics.
The Emotional Support Stapler
After announcing a company-wide mental health initiative, HR handed out emotional support staplers to “help employees manage workplace stress.” Each stapler came with a warning: misuse could lead to termination. No one dared ask what qualified as misuse.
“Work Anniversary” Parking Tickets
Instead of celebrating work anniversaries, HR decided to commemorate the occasion by issuing retroactive parking tickets for alleged violations like “parking in HR’s spot” from five years ago. The fines even included 10% interest.
Payday Pictionary
Paychecks were swapped out for a game HR called Payday Pictionary. Employees had to guess their salary from crude stick-figure drawings that supposedly reflected their “value to the company.” The IT guy got a sketch of a donut, which turned out to be worth $1.37.
The Anonymous Complaint Board… Wasn’t Anonymous
HR introduced a digital complaint board to encourage honest feedback. But employees noticed their grievances showing up verbatim in the CEO’s PowerPoint presentation, titled “The 2024 Naughty List.” Turns out, anonymity was merely a suggestion.
