10 reasons Notre Dame gives for losing to Ohio State at home

Notre Dame just lost to Ohio State football at home. The Notre Dame faithful explain why.

Aliens in the Endzone

Notre Dame’s quarterback was adamant that extraterrestrial interference was the primary cause of their defeat. “I saw aliens in the endzone, man! They were using their laser beams to mess with our passes. Every time I tried to throw, they’d zap the ball and it’d go haywire!”

Invisible Banana Peels

The running back recounted a peculiar phenomenon on the field. “There were invisible banana peels all over the place. I’d be running straight, then whoop! My feet would fly out from under me. I’m telling you, it was some Mario Kart level trickery out there.”

Time-Traveling Referees

The Notre Dame coach convinced that the referees were not of this time. “Those refs, they were time travelers, I swear. They were making calls on plays that hadn’t even happened yet! And I caught one of them talking into a futuristic wrist gadget. It’s the only explanation.”

Giant Invisible Squirrels

Several fans reported sightings of giant invisible squirrels tampering with the game. “You couldn’t see them, but you could hear them chattering,” said one fan. “They were running off with the ball, climbing the goalposts, causing all sorts of mayhem!”

Magnetic Helmets

One defensive lineman had his own theory. “Our helmets, they were magnetized. Every time Ohio State snapped the ball, our heads would snap right to the metal goalposts. We were stuck there, watching them score. It was diabolical!”

Haunted Footballs

Ghostly apparitions were the culprit according to the kicker. “The footballs were haunted! Every time I tried to kick, they’d start screaming and fly off in the wrong direction. I’ve never seen anything like it!”

Underground Tunnels

A group of fans were convinced that the Ohio State players used a network of underground tunnels. “They’d disappear into the ground and pop up in the endzone! It was like a game of whack-a-mole, but we were the ones getting whacked!”

Wind-Controlling Cheerleaders

Notre Dame cheerleaders accused Ohio State cheerleaders of controlling the wind. “They had these giant pom-poms, and every time they shook them, the wind would blow in our faces,” claimed one Irish cheerleader. “I’m sure they were using some sort of weather manipulation!”

Shapeshifting Mascot

The Ohio State mascot was under suspicion of shapeshifting. “One minute, he’s a Buckeye guy, the next he’s a giant hawk swooping down at our players,” exclaimed a bewildered Notre Dame fan. “It was total chaos, no one knew what was happening!”

Teleporting Band

Lastly, the Ohio State band was said to have teleportation abilities. “They’d play a tune, and suddenly, they’d be on the field, blocking our players,” said a Notre Dame running back. “Then, poof! Back in the stands like nothing happened. It was wild!”