10 signs the traffic in Portland in worse than ever

Portlanders know Portland traffic has taken on the regretful feel of a mini-LA:

Morning Coffee Duration: Your morning coffee has time to get cold by the time you reach the next traffic light.

Forest Reclaims: Trees start growing in the beds of stationary pickup trucks.

Portable Offices: People set up makeshift desks in their cars and call it their “mobile office.”

Nature Calls: There’s a booming business for “emergency traffic jam porta-potties.”

Local Wildlife: Deer have started taking leisurely strolls between the lanes, completely unconcerned by the stationary cars.

Personal Growth: You’ve listened to so many podcasts during commutes that you’ve now earned an honorary degree in “Traffic Jam Studies.”

Calendar Blocks: Portlanders start blocking out “traffic time” on their calendars, which is separate from actual travel time.

New Professions: “Jam Jesters” emerge, entertainers who juggle, tell jokes, or play music between the lanes to keep drivers entertained.

Urban Camping: Tents start popping up on freeway shoulders as people decide it’s easier to camp overnight than drive home.

Tourist Attraction: Tour guides start offering “Portland’s Legendary Traffic Experience” tours, complete with snacks, stories, and an official certificate of completion.