10 things cocky skiers like to say
Carbon fiber
“Oh, these skis? Custom-made carbon fiber. They’re so light I can literally lift them with one finger. Same ones they make for Olympic champions, but, you know, mine are better. I had the designer add a gold trim—just a nod to my destiny.”
Prodigy
“Yeah, I’ve been skiing since I could walk. Actually, scratch that—since before I could walk. My mom said I did a double cork 1440 when I was a year old, just popped right out of the stroller and sent it down the halfpipe. I don’t even remember it, but that’s just how natural I am on snow.”
Switzerland
“I only ski at Verbier now, nothing stateside really impresses me. I mean, Aspen used to be cool until they started letting *anyone* in. At Verbier, they still keep the riff-raff out, and the powder is, like, champagne-quality every day.”
Swiss army
“Oh, this jacket? Gore-Tex Pro Shell, but with cashmere lining. Keeps me warm but still breathable, you know? I have three others, depending on the elevation. You gotta stay versatile. My dad calls me ‘the Swiss Army Knife of skiing.’ But yeah, you need to understand layering.”
GOAT
“I was once the top skier in the country. I mean, yeah, I had to retire early because of a ‘freak injury,’ but everyone still knows I’m the GOAT. It was a *lateral hyperextension*, you know? Docs say if I hadn’t been going so hard, I’d still be number one. Whatever, I guess. Just legends doing legendary things.”
Lunchtime
“Lunch on the slopes? It’s gotta be truffle fondue with a side of Wagyu sliders at the private lodge. Anything less and you’re just disrespecting the sport. Sometimes, I’ll have a glass of Dom after my morning run, just to, like, set the tone for the day.”
Feeling sick
“Yeah, my personalized license plate says ‘SLAYMOGULS.’ It’s pretty sick, right? I mean, it really captures my vibe. I didn’t want to go with ‘SKIBOSS’—that’s too played out. But ‘SLAYMOGULS’… yeah, it’s like, I’m destroying the slopes and, like, crushing life, you know?”
Exes
“Oh, I’ve been trained by ex-Olympians. Like, not your average ‘Oh, I made it to the Olympics’ types. I’m talking about gold medalists who dominated in every alpine event. They basically said, ‘We’ve taught you all we know. Now you’re a beast, just like us.’ No big deal, but yeah, they still text me for advice sometimes.”
Whistler
“Last week, I hit a quadruple backflip off a cliff at Whistler, easy. Didn’t even break a sweat. It’s honestly getting kind of boring pulling off these tricks because no one else is on my level. I might just have to invent a new trick, you know, for the culture.”
The doctor
“Honestly, skiing isn’t just a sport—it’s a lifestyle. When I’m on the slopes, people stop, they stare, they try to figure out how I do it. It’s like, I was born for this. My doctor actually said I have more fast-twitch muscle fibers than, like, 99.9% of the population. It’s science, man, not even humblebragging.”
