10 things you can do to prevent CRT in your schools

Some people are trying valiantly to keep CRT, or Coping With Relatives Tactics, out of schools. Here are 10 ways you can help the effort.

1. Provide alternative educational sources on how to cope with relatives, such as increased liquor stores.

2. Understand that you can’t choose relatives, it’s best just to argue with them as loud as possible.

3. CRT suggests there are structural reasons some relatives use their outdoor voice indoors at all times. There is no reason. That’s just the way they are.

4. CRT says we can change the way we respond internally when relatives show up unannounced at 7am ready to use your pool. But this is false.

5. CRT proponents say coping with relatives is just part of life. Obviously these researchers don’t have a cousin that has overstayed their two-week visit by five years now.

6. The key to dealing with relatives is to set boundaries, not learn tactics to cope. So when your 9-year-old nephew blows up your garage on the 4th of July, tell his parents you are seeking the maximum sentence of 25-years of selling tchotchkes to tourists on the Chesapeake Bay boardwalk.

7. CRT sounds good on the surface, but it puts the burden on you, the sane relative. Schools should instead work on programs like “Rehabbing Relatives.”

8. Research shows some CRT officials have ties to Marksism, which is the belief in throwing darts in local dive bars as a form of social organization.

9. CRT believes relatives can live in peace with proper education and training. This is false hope packaged in new bottles.

10. Educate students, teachers and administrators on the realities of CRT: Relatives are born, live and die just as they are: With a stain on their shirt, a bungee cord holding up their britches and a piece of gristle stuck between their front teeth.