10 Things You Can Only Do in Columbus, Ohio
Columbus, Ohio is one of the fastest growing cities in the midwest, offering a wide variety of restaurants, nightclubs, sports and other activities for the whole family. But I made these up anyway.
Ohio State Oval Outhouses
Everybody knows that Columbus, Ohio is the home of the The Ohio State University. If you’re a Buckeye fan or a Buckeye alumni you know you can land in Malaysia, get out of the plane with an OSU t-shirt on and everybody will know you are related to Columbus, Ohio.
A little known fact about The Ohio State University is while they have a giant campus, some unique things don’t get as much attention.
The university was formed in 1870 – the main Oval you see today was the entire campus!
In those days the students lived right on that Oval. They didn’t have the football stadium or anything else like that back in 1870.
In fact, the campus was out in the country.
Guess what they also didn’t have him in 1870: plumbing. It’s a little-known fact that the original outhouses that were used in 1870 are still there.
When the university announced they were officially changing the name from Ohio State University to The Ohio State University, some students wrote on the outhouses “The Outhouse of the Ohio State University.”
The Oval is a huge lawn with sidewalk criss-crossing to every point of the campus. There are several small groves of trees on the otherwise open oval.
One of the original outhouses from the 1800s is still there. In those days, students and faculty share the facilities. When you had to go, you had to go.
It didn’t matter if you were an esteemed professor or a snotty new freshman that could barely find your way around campus. Everybody used the same outhouse. One of them is still a grove in the Oval at The Ohio State University and it’s one of 10 things you can only do in Columbus, Ohio.
Shorty’s in the Short North
Columbus has grown like a weed! One of the most exciting areas of growth that has become very popular is called the Short North.
Now it’s kind of a hipster place, a lot of the youngsters, and when I say youngsters, I mean people below 45, are all moving there.
They want to be with the cool kids. They want to be near the music, the restaurants, the nightclubs — it’s all there.
One of the oldest nightclubs in the Short North is called Shorty’s. Shorty’s wasn’t named that because there was some bar owner, manager or even a regular customer named Shorty.
Shorty’s was established during prohibition. Sometimes the police weren’t too quiet—they didn’t use a lot of discretion when they came in to bust up places for selling illegal alcohol. What they used to do is come in guns a-blazing and people would duck and crouch down so they could get out of the hellfire. That’s when the police started calling them “shorties.”
Shorty’s is one of the few places still around from the early days of Columbus.
Olentangy River Road Bike Path Mini Pubs
Number three on our list of things you can only do in Columbus Ohio: many people ride their bikes along the Olentangy River Road bike path that runs through town. Columbus is not a huge city, but it’s pretty big and it can take you an entire day to complete that bike path.
You might say, “Hey Joe, I’m a PROFESSIONAL bicycle rider and it won’t take me but two hours to ride plumb from one end of town to the other!”
But this is Ohio. You don’t realize that this bike path has its own pub network. Theres a network of mini pubs all along the bike path.
That means you can grab a beer every quarter mile! And that’s why it’s going to take you all day—you are not going to be able to resist the IPAs, the stouts, the athletic beers, or what they call in Ohio light beers. And that is something you can only do in Columbus Ohio—the mini pubs every quarter mile along the Olentangy River bike path.
Capital University Law School Football Team
What’s the biggest sport in Columbus?
Of course, its football and Ohio State gets all the press, all the attention. And for good reason.
The university has done a good job with the football program over many decades. In fact, in the 1920s they built Ohio Stadium because the crowds were so big they couldn’t see. The university said “let’s build a stadium and build it much bigger than we need so that when the campus grows were growing along with it.” It worked out like a charm.
So everybody knows that football is big in Columbus but what you don’t know is that Capitol University Law School—Capital university is a small school on the east side of town in Bexley—the law school has its own football team.
The law school has only enough students to field the football team so it’s co-ed. They play against football law school teams around the country. I didn’t even know there was such a thing, but apparently law schools are full of aggressive people—aggressive lawyer types like to play football because they can get their frustrations out.
They go to tort class and get headaches and they’re all wound up. They’re studying like fiends because they’re trying to get into a big prominent law firm.
Well, what do you do to release the pressure? You want to bash somebody, right? That’s football.
So, if you are a law student in Columbus you may want to consider going out for the Capital University Law School football team. You’ll get all your frustrations out and it’ll help you study. It’ll help you stay relaxed for tests and it’s number four on our list of things you can only do in Columbus, Ohio.
Gallagher University in Hilliard
While we’re talking about universities, we might as well talk about Gallagher University. Gallagher University is in Hilliard, which is now a suburb of yuppies, prepsters and and new families.
But back in the day it was just a bunch of farms and it had a country bumpkin kind of an image. Well, Gallagher University was established out there by a bunch of farmers back in the 1870s. It was going to be a competitor to THE Ohio State University.
The farmers were all named Jed and Slim and Billy Bob. They didn’t want to name a university Billy Bob University. They made up the name Gallagher because it had an English-Irish kind of sound.
They funded it through their proceeds from the farms. In fact, sometimes they’d make lunches for all the students. Farm wives would make lunches.
But Gallagher has not grown a whit. They have not had more than 40 students since the 1800s. Because of that, scholarships are plentiful. If you want to go to school for free at an accredited university in a major city, you might want to apply to Gallagher University.
Columbus Best Cardio Health Care in Country
Health care is an important conversation we’re having in the country. Is there enough healthcare for the citizens of the United States?
In Columbus, if you think you have any kind of problems or concerns about your ticker, and by your ticker I mean your heart, you can rest assured.
L’ll tell you why. Columbus is one of the biggest fast food test test market in the country. When the rest of the country sees a new food item, Columbus Ohio has probably already had it for a complete year.
Companies test to to see how an item sells in C-Bus before they roll it out nationwide.
Fast food is so popular in Columbus naturally you’re gonna have some heart problems in a market like that a city like that
and as a result the hearts care the pulmonary care the cardiac care in that city is off the charts.
guys you’re gonna have I mean in one study they showed that a heart surgeon lived in every other house. I’m thinking that might be Upper Arlington or Bexley, but I don’t think heart surgeons are living down there. And Canal Winchester, okay, maybe one, no wait that’s in Akron.
But you to see what I mean. The point is there’s all kinds of people that know how to resuscitate, repair and improve your ticker. That means that you’re gonna have the best heart care in the country and it’s something you can only do in Columbus Ohio.
Play for the Columbus Crew
Sure sure football’s big, hockey’s big, but you know what else is big?
Soccer, or what some Americans call proper football. In England they just call it football, or for short: footie.
Well, there’s a soccer team in Columbus Ohio, believe it or not, called the Columbus Crew.
And what people don’t know is that in order to grow the sport the Columbus Crew brings on one citizen player for every game.
They bring in one citizen player—you don’t have to be a soccer player, but you can play professional soccer for one game with the Columbus Crew.
This is a full-on real soccer team—this is not an amateur league team.
This is a professional soccer team but they’re into promotion, they’re into community involvement, they are into fan appreciation. To get the game to grow in central Ohio they are allowing regular citizens, one for every home game, to play with the team.
You have to sign about an inch thick of papers releasing them from any liability in case you keel over in the middle of the game which is very likely.
But they’re not worried because you would have to go back to our previous item where I said there are 800,000 heart surgeons in Ohio and central Ohio. Even if you keel over, they just look up in the stands and there are tons of women and men ready to operate on you right on the field.
And they could probably just give you a heart transplant at half time.
Ethanol Gas in Columbus Ohio
Are you tired of gas prices? Are you tired of paying out the nose just to drive your vehicle around? If you come to Columbus Ohio, you don’t have to worry about that.
Why? Because it’s in the middle of bountiful agricultural land. It’s a farm state folks! It’s an agricultural wonderland, and what that means is that gas is cheap. Every gallon of gas sold in the state of Ohio is three quarters ethanol.
What’s ethanol? It’s corn oil. Gas made from corn!
What are they growing in Ohio out your ears? Right, corn! And that’s why gas is 75 cents a gallon for premium. You can drive around Ohio 245 times for under five bucks.
Couple things, though: you have to adapt your car to ethanol. The engine has to be tuned to the ethanol that costs a little money, maybe a hundred bucks. But it’s worth it to get premium gas for 75 cents a gallon. You’ll think you died and went to gasoline heaven.
Lighted Midnight Nighttime Cow Rides
Does Columbus have Disneyland or something like that? Don’t they have a Disney World or an Epcot? What is there to do with the family in Columbus? Where can families go?
Don’t worry, there are a ton of things to do in Columbus for families.
One of the best is cows!
That’s right!. Let me explain. Columbus was called a cowtown for years. And for good reason— it had tons of cows and they still have them to this day.
You don’t believe me? Drive down Lane Avenue from Upper Arlington the the Ohio State University and look to your left. What do you see out there? Them are cows, folks!
And here’s the cool thing. You can take the family down there and get cow rides for 25 cents. Take ma, pa, sister and brother down to THE Ohio State University Agricultural School and get cow rides for 25 cents a ride.
Think about it: you get gas for 75 cents a gallon and cow rides for 25 cents!
And here’s the kicker: you can do it at night! Yes!
Let’s say you’re sitting around at midnight on a Thursday and you say to yourself, “Dang, I can’t sleep. It’s a beautiful summer night. Let’s wake up the kids and go out to the cows.”
The cows are all lit up with LED light. It’s unbelievable. You’ll never have more fun than riding a cow in the middle of the night in central Ohio and the cows are all lit up like Christmas trees. It’s unbelievable. It’s number nine on our list of things you can only do in Columbus Ohio—midnight cow riding.
Columbus Capitol Building Rotunda Train
The Ohio Statehouse building was built shortly after Ohio became an official state.
It has a cool rotunda in the middle. Up inside that rotunda, tucked behind the alabaster pillars, a toy train runs constantly.
A toy train!
It runs endlessly. It’s a study by THE Ohio State University on endless energy.
It has a triple hybrid small nuclear reactor/ cold fusion / Ethanol engine.
It runs around the rotunda near the ceiling tucked behind a balcony landing day and night.
It’s part of a secret study in conjunction with the US Army, the Navy and the Air Force to see if we can develop endless energy.
The only reason I know about is because some kids on our tour found it. I heard them up there, laughing and yelling.
I was taking the tour after it I heard the kids up there. They got lost from the tour.
Within minutes they found the train, started riding it, yelling, “Choo choo choo choo choo!”
I said to the tour guide, “I think there’s somebody up there in the ceiling balcony behind the pillars!”
She said, “No you, didn’t hear anything. There’s nothing up there. Let’s just continue walking. Follow me, please. Walkies, walkies!” I knew then she was on the INSIDE. She was covering for the secret project.
Again, I said, “No I think there’s somebody up there!”
“Sir, no, you didn’t hear anything,” she repeated, trying to keep it on the down-low, because she knows it’s top secret.
But, come on! The kids were loud as heck. You can’t quiet down a five-year-old, ever!
Especially if they’re on an endless running train.
The government eventually relented and removed the top secret classification. They opened it up to the public. You can see the train now, but you can’t touch it or ride it.
Since it’s paid for by taxpayers, they figured better come clean before the story is busted open by the Columbus Dispatch or other publication.
Now you can go to see the endless train running around the Rotunda ceiling.
That is the end of our list of 10 things you can only do in Columbus Ohio.
