3 Things Never to Say at Work

Trying to get ahead at work so you can retire early to the Grand Caymans and sleep on bags of money? Then don’t be an idiot — avoid saying these things at work.

“You look great in your new mumu”

For one thing, you don’t even really know what a mumu is. You just winged it one day when a coworker came in wearing a new style. You panicked.

But you have to say something. Don’t just laugh nervously or throw your head back and make gurgling sounds.

Try this: “You look better than a million bearer bonds I stole in a heist last month.” Or “I like this new style. It reminds me of late 70s Chicago when all the rules were out the window.”

“My alarm didn’t go off”

Let’s be honest. Your alarm went off. You were out partying the night before because you think you are 21 years old when you are really 52 (but tell people you are 43.) The alarm went off and you smashed it with a hammer you had nearby that were using to work on a renovation in your bedroom. Sure, you actually remembered to set the snooze, but that was null and void when you broke the alarm clock into a million pieces.

“You should do it this way”

Be careful with the word “should” around the office. In reality, there are several ways to do the same thing. You just want people to do it “your way” because you had to do it “their way” when you came up in the business, working for tyrants.

Let people have a mind of their own. Otherwise, they will get frustrated, start a competing company, and bring down your market share 75% in three months.