3 Things to Buy At Sears Right Now Before They Shut Down And Become Laser Tag Spaces

Before Sears breaks down and crumbles, pick up these three items as fast as you can.

Pressure Dog Washer

How does Fido get so dirty? You give him a bath, and ten minutes outside sees him transition into a walking clump of dirt. Pick up a pressure dog washer and spray him down while you sit on the porch, empty PBRs and smoke cigars.

Air Compressor Bike

You’ll see lots of electric bikes at the beach these days, but an air compressor bike will set you apart. The handlebars house secret twin air compressors, each capable of blasting out 2351 PSI of pressure, sending you down the boardwalk so fast, your toupee will blow off your head and into the soup of the French lady who lives on the corner eating outside.

Dad Jeans

Why is it so hard to find som good dad jeans these days? Sure, if you are fit and cut, it makes sense to try on some fashion jeans. But the number of fit and cut guys in America totals 10. The rest of us schlubs need dad jeans to accommodate some girth. Well, Sears has your favorite dad jeans brans including Scoche More Room, Fat Thighs and Bellyxpander.