3 Ways to Clean Shoes That Smell Like a Russian Yak Fought a Siberian Moose to the Death and They Both Lost

You lead an active life. Running, cycling, chasing your kids around your 79-room mansion. Your shoes absorb all that perspiration and after a while they smell like you are pouring oven grease in their every night. Here’s how to clean them effectively.

1. Pour 50 tons of hydrogen peroxide in the town fountain. Tie all your shoes together and wear them all over your body as you go for a swim. Dry off in the local jail where you’ll spend the next 40 days and nights.

2. Take an old tool belt and modify it to hold 15 spray bottles of 90 percent rubbing alcohol. Wear the belt to work and while you are waiting for the copies to print, take off your shoes, set them on top of the copier and spray down the inside for 15 feet away.

3. Stuff your shoes with dryer sheets. Really stuff them. Put 50 or 60 packages of dryer sheets in there so your shoes increase size ten fold. Now you have size 400 shoes that wont stink because your feet never touch the sides.