3 Ways to Write Great Essays That Make You Say, “Yes, Sir, That Right There is A Top Notch Essay!”

Be honest. You hate writing essays.

Essays are a huge pain in the rear. You have to know a subject fairly well and be able to lay out your ideas in an interesting way that makes sense.

Gosh, what a waste of time.

Anyway, here are three ways to write some splendiferous essays so you can finally graduate and start that emo tribute band you’ve wanted to since third grade.

Prepare Like A Fiend

The best way to prepare is speed read the material. To do this, stare at a book while you flip the pages by real fast in front of your eyes. You should be able to ingest 25 books in under three minutes, taking breaks for sipping beer.

Have a Take

Writing great essays requires deployment of a certain amount of balderdash. In other words, have an opinion about the facts. If you feel like Winston Churchill looks like a cross between a garden gnome and the guy in the label on those whiskey bottles, say it. Be bold.

Don’t Give Up

Anxiety can take over your brain and keep you from doing your best work. Learn to love nervousness and laugh your way through it. You eat this kind of pressure for breakfast. Bring it on. You’ll know you are having fun when clumps of hair start to fall out of your head from the stress. Who cares?!