3 Ways to Wake Up When You Really, Really Need To

Sleep is great. Waking is another matter. Do you have problems waking up in the morning? Try these three methods.

Wile E. Coyote Method

Run a line of gunpowder from the foot of your bed, down the hall and out the front door. When you go to bed, light the fuse. The line should be long enough to last for a good night’s sleep. It should blow up on time in the morning, sending you flying through the air right into the shower. You will have to experiment with the length of the gunpowder line until you get it right.

Cold Meat Method

Rig a trap drawer with a timer set to drop 100-200 pounds of raw meat on you when you need to get up. Try different types of meat to determine which wakes you up better. I’ve heard people have good success with chicken breasts, New York Strip steak and ribs.

Firehose Method

Acquire an actual firehose from your local fire department. Hire a family member to turn it on 10 minutes before you need to wake up, blasting you against the wall with a forceful jet of water. With practice, you can also use this as your shower, further improving your wake up routine.