5 MORE little known medical connections RFK Jr. is exposing

1. Dandruff Caused by Using Lowercase Letters

RFK Jr. reveals that the scalp inflammation known as dandruff is actually triggered by reading too much lowercase text. The “submissive posture” of lowercase letters, he explains, sends signals to the scalp that it should also “shed its dignity” in flake form. He’s advocating for a return to all-caps communication, which he insists would eliminate dandruff within a generation. His emails are already doing their part.

2. Wisdom Teeth Problems Linked to Actually Gaining Wisdom

Those impacted molars aren’t a quirk of evolution—they’re your body rejecting conventional knowledge, according to RFK Jr. He theorizes that wisdom teeth only become problematic when young adults are exposed to “mainstream information sources” like textbooks and peer-reviewed journals. The teeth, sensing the influx of establishment wisdom, rebel by growing sideways. His recommended prevention? Keep kids away from libraries until age 25.

3. Color Blindness Caused by Traffic Lights

RFK Jr. says people aren’t born color blind—they become color blind from staring at traffic lights. The “chromatic oppression” of being told which colors mean stop and go eventually causes the brain to simply give up on distinguishing them altogether. He’s lobbying to replace all traffic signals with gender-reveal pink and blue confetti cannons.

4. Restless Leg Syndrome Triggered by Voting in Federal Elections

RFK Jr. has connected the dots between restless leg syndrome and civic participation. He argues that the psychological burden of choosing between two major party candidates creates a subconscious desire to “run away” that manifests as nighttime leg movements. Interestingly, he claims third-party voters are completely immune to this condition, though his sample size is roughly 47 people.

5. Acid Reflux Caused by Accepting Friend Requests from People You Don’t Actually Like

That burning in your esophagus isn’t from spicy food—it’s from the social anxiety of maintaining fake online friendships, RFK Jr. insists. Every time you accept a Facebook friend request from your college roommate’s cousin who you met once, your stomach produces acid as a “truth rejection response.” His cure? Steer your social media friend requests to you personal meme coin.