5 ways to open those stubborn vegetable plastic bags at the grocery store

Wand of Bag Opening

Hailing from the world of magical supermarkets, this wand emits a tiny puff of air when waved over the bag’s opening. With a simple “Aperio Bagus!” spell, the sides of the plastic bag separate with grace and ease.

Bag Whisperer Technique

Train for years in the ancient art of Bag Whispering. By placing the grocery bag close to one’s ear and humming the sacred tune, one can communicate with the spirit of the bag. As a token of respect, the bag releases its sealed edges and opens up.

Static Shock Gloves

Wear these specialized gloves that build up static electricity. A quick rub against any surface, and when you touch the bag, the static charge causes the bag to fluff up, automatically opening its mouth. Bonus: they light up in the dark.

Temporal Pocket Watch

This pocket watch, once belonging to a time-traveling produce enthusiast, has the power to momentarily slow down time. Activating it provides the user with what seems like minutes to fiddle with the bag, while only mere seconds pass in real time.

Nano-Bot Spray

A spritz of this advanced technology sends thousands of microscopic robots onto the surface of the bag. They get to work immediately, prying the bag open by nano-millimeters at a time. Once the task is complete, they disintegrate, leaving no trace behind.