5 worst pet stores in Detroit

Five worst pet stores in America

We all love pets but some of the pet stores out there are not of the highest quality. Here are the five worst pet stores in Detroit.

Paper Roll Pet Store

The first one on our list is Paper Roll Pet Store. The problems I had here is all the animal enclosures, the pet enclosures are made from paper rolls. I asked the owner about this and he said that the reason he had no idea what to do with all the paper rolls from toilet paper and paper towels around his house.

He decided to take all the rolls to his pet store. His goal was to save money on cages by using paper rolls instead. He even tried to make them into aquariums but you couldn’t see the fish.

I know money is tight but this guy is just cheap. I’m going to have to say no go to Paper Roll Pet Store.

Turnstile Pet Store

The second worst pet store in Detroit on my list is Turnstile Pets. They are located out on the Outerbelt. To get in the store you go through a turnstile like a subway or train.

I ran into problems when — and I admit I was at fault — I jumped the turnstile. I don’t know what I was thinking. Suddenly my mind went back to being in New York when I was younger and I jumped it.

But why do you have to pay to get into a pet store anyway? I talked to the manager: he said the reason they have to pay is, “so many people come into the store and don’t buy anything. They don’t buy any goldfish, they don’t buy any puppies, they don’t buy anything. And they just look around as if they are going to the zoo with their kids.”

But he said he must make money to stay in business. He charges a cover charge to get into the store.

I said, “I’m not paying to go into a pet store.” So I jumped the turnstile.

It might have worked but the guy has a trained security detail consisting of dozens of puppies. They swarm you, overwhelm you and bring you down. It sounds cute, but when I looked back and they were chasing me it was somewhat terrifying.

Job Interview Pet Store

The third worst pet store in the Detroit area is Job interview Pet Store. The problem with the Job Interview Pet Store is they have a very confusing business plan. Not only are they a pet store, but they help local people get jobs with businesses, associations, organizations — anybody that needs help.

Now that’s all good, but I found when I went in the workers are confused as to why you are there.

“Can I help you?

I said, “Oh, I’m just looking at getting a puppy.

“OK, a puppy. Now how long have you been looking for a job working with puppies?”

“Well, I may be getting a kitty cat.”

“Oh, and how long have you been looking for a job working with kitty cats?”

“Oh, no, no, I I’m not looking for a job working with kitty cats. I am just here possibly buying one for my family, my daughter. She keeps asking me about it and you know cats are a lot more self-sufficient than dogs.”

“Well self-sufficiency is a plus for you because employers are looking for self-motivated, self-sufficient workers so we can maybe really help you out.’

I said, “No, I don’t think you understand. I’m not looking for a job, I actually looking for a kitty cat.”

She said, “I appreciate your negotiation ability — that you’re pretending you don’t really need the job. That is good. And we train people not to be too anxious to get a job. We want them to hold off. We teach people how to do that. I’m glad you were able to show that quality to me because I think you are going to do well. I’d like to offer a discount on our premier package, which means that we will, instead of the usual 30% of your first-year earnings, I will only charge you 25%. You see, it’s worth it to us to take less money because we know you will be a success story. We’ll use you in our marketing materials, our website and our global advertising campaigns. Uh, how does that sound to you?”

“I said wow, I really am not getting across here. I’m going to go ahead and walk out the door and I appreciate your help.”

Whiskey Hollow Pet Store

The fourth worst pet store in the Detroit area, in my opinion, is Whiskey Hollow Pet store. Whiskey Hollow Pet Store is in a small town of Whiskey Hollow near Ann Arbor. It’s a little bit farther out there than most of the other stores on this list, but they have such a popular social media presence — they’re all over Instagram and YouTube and all of them — I thought I’d give them a call and give him a visit.

This company is similar to others going after the twenty-something market. They offer free beer for the employees and customers. It’s like a party. Free beer and whiskey shots.

I talked to the owner about it. He said, “Don’t worry about it. We’re trying to attract a younger clientele. We’ve got cool country music, we’re playing all the rock’n’roll hits. They want a younger vibe and we want to bring in young families with young kids.

“And that’s why we provide all kinds of extras to our employees. Now, we don’t necessarily do that for our customers because we can’t, we don’t want to have to worry about our customers. But our employees, we, we drive them home ourselves, we give them an Uber. Or we fly them home in our Whiskey Hollow chopper.”

I said, “OK, I got it.”

I wandered around and met an attendant who was just finishing off a shot of whiskey.

I said, “Hey listen, I’ve been looking at getting a kitty cat…”

The guy interrupted me, “I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly what you want. Come on over here.”

He showed me a mountain lion that they keep in the back in a big cage like at the city zoo.

I said, “I don’t think you understand. I’m looking for a kitty cat.”

“I know, I know, my fault my dude.” And he downed another shot and took me over to another cage. A leopard paced back and forth inside.

I said, “Sir, do you really think that I would take a leopard to my house in Detroit?”

“Oh, yeah, we sell all kinds of leopards. I mean, they’re great pets. They run fast. They catch their own food if you let them out in the neighborhood. They don’t complain. I mean, it’s not like your house cat always laying around like they own the place.”

I said, “Listen, listen, listen. I think there’s a breakdown in either my explaining this or in your understanding of it.”

Cyclone Pet Store

Number five in our list of the five worst pet stores in Detroit is Cyclone Pet Store. They help out when there is a tornado or hurricane and pets get separated from their owners. Sometimes the pets get lifted in the air and end up in an adjoining city. They find homes for them.

The problem I had is all of the pets in there are still spinning. They’re spinning from the cyclone wind or hurricane wind. And it’s really hard to get them to sit still because they spin in place.

Now they don’t spin too fast necessarily, they’re just in a slow spin. And the owner told me it doesn’t hurt them. They’re just used to spinning around and so you just them home and they’ll just sit there in front of the TV and spin around.

I said, “How do they eat?”

“I just throw something in the air, throw a piece of food in the air and it’ll catch it as it comes around. That’s why they it’s good that they spin slow.

I said, “I want to help out, but is there any way to get them to stop spinning?”

“Nope. You know, we tried, we tried to spin them the other way, thinking it would balance them out. But now they’re just like a top.”

I said, “A slow-moving top. Well good luck, sir.” I gave him some money as a donation because I think he’s doing good work.

Those are the top five on my list of the worst pet stores in Detroit.