Sports

What happened to Moondog?

During last night’s Cavaliers halftime show, the team’s beloved mascot, Moondog, took a leap into local—and possibly intergalactic—legend. According to multiple eyewitnesses, Moondog attempted a new, reportedly “untested” trampoline dunk apparatus that was supposed to launch him into a gravity-defying slam dunk. Instead, he soared clean through the arena’s domed ceiling at a velocity so impressive, it set off three separate car alarms in the parking lot.

A handful of fans in the upper seats claim they saw him drop seamlessly onto a drone hovering in the night sky, never to be seen again. The Cavaliers organization denies any knowledge of new halftime tech, saying they “definitely tested the trampoline” and that the entire spectacle was “just a regrettable blip in Moondog’s illustrious performance history.” But the denials have only fueled the rumor mill.

Wild theories are bouncing around social media: Were these operators in the drone working for a secret government division that trains mascots as super-soldiers? Did foreign spies, desperate for Cleveland’s championship-winning mojo, kidnap Moondog mid-air? Or—gulp—did an alien species think our furry friend was the planet’s alpha lifeform and decide to beam him up for interstellar diplomacy?

The Cavaliers have launched a worldwide search operation—led by a special “Where’s Moondog?” task force (complete with matching hats)—and have asked fans to keep an eye on their backyard drones, ring doorbell footage, and any suspicious UFO sightings. The Cavaliers promised a lifetime supply of beer and hot dogs to anyone who provides a verified tip on Moondog’s whereabouts. Until then, the city of Cleveland, and possibly the galaxy itself, is left wondering if our favorite furry, basketball-loving canine will ever come home.

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.