5 dumb government proposals to handle the growing traffic and construction issues in Colorado Springs

1. “Mountain Goat Rideshare Program”

To reduce car traffic, the city proposes training mountain goats to carry commuters along scenic routes. The “GoatPath Express” would have designated goat stops at major landmarks like Garden of the Gods and the Broadmoor Hotel. Riders must supply their own helmets and avoid feeding the goats trail mix during rush hour.

2. “Pikes Peak Slide Highway”

The city suggests installing a giant slide from the top of Pikes Peak down to downtown Colorado Springs. Commuters could strap into inflatable sleds and zoom into work, cutting down travel time while also offering breathtaking views. The downside? A strict “No Coffee During the Slide” policy.

3. “Parachute Commute Initiative”

Taking inspiration from nearby Fort Carson, the city proposes a program where residents skydive into designated downtown zones from government-sponsored hot air balloons launched from their neighborhoods. Training sessions are included, but the program has already faced resistance from people afraid of getting stuck in traffic and trees.

4. “Underground Tunnel Detours Led by Prairie Dogs”

A network of prairie dog tunnels beneath the city will be expanded for small electric vehicles to bypass surface traffic. Each tunnel will have a prairie dog “guide” trained to direct cars using tiny glow sticks. Skeptics have raised concerns about tunnel stability and the prairie dogs unionizing.

5. “Reverse Commute Hours”

To redistribute traffic, drivers will be required to go the opposite direction of their destination for the first 10 minutes of their commute. While confusing at first, officials argue it will “trick” drivers into spreading out, though some worry about the effect on GPS systems and marriages.