The curious case of cubical wombat droppings

I’m not typically one to question nature’s grand design—after all, giraffes basically wear neckties as a biological imperative—but there comes a time when even the most accepting among us has to pause and wonder, “Wait, seriously?”

Enter the wombat, an otherwise unassuming Australian marsupial best known for its stubbornness, impressive digging skills, and the little-known ability to defy physics. Because, folks, wombat poop is cube-shaped. Perfectly cubical. Like tiny, fuzzy dice nature casually tosses around the Australian wilderness.

Immediately, I’m picturing Mother Nature at the evolutionary drawing board, holding a round pellet of wombat droppings, shaking her head sadly, and muttering, “It’s been done.” Then, a burst of inspiration strikes—possibly after binge-watching too much HGTV—and she exclaims, “Squares! Squares will revolutionize poop!”

The implications are staggering. Imagine the pride a wombat must have when producing these perfect little cubes. I picture them inspecting each one like tiny masons, checking angles with miniature protractors, carefully nudging their handiwork into neat piles. “Barry, come look at this one—perfect ninety-degree angles.”

Scientists (real ones, mind you, with degrees and lab coats) have explained that wombat poop is cubed to prevent it from rolling away, helping the animals mark their territory more precisely. But how disappointed must the average dung beetle be when stumbling upon these geometrical marvels? It’d be like expecting a doughnut and being handed a Rubik’s cube. “Aw, mate,” sighs the dung beetle, adjusting his tiny sunglasses, “this is above my pay grade.”

You have to wonder what other potential shapes nature considered. Pyramid droppings? Too Egyptian. Dodecahedron dung? Terribly impractical. And cylindrical shapes, well, that’s everyone else’s game. Wombats clearly demanded something different—something bold.

One thing’s for sure: wombats have definitely raised the stakes. Now every other animal is scrambling to keep up. Koalas must feel utterly humiliated with their commonplace, pellet-shaped droppings. Kangaroos are frantically hopping around, yelling at each other, “Step it up! Someone invent triangle poop or we’re done for!”

So let’s tip our hats to wombats, nature’s master craftsmen, the unsung heroes of scatological geometry. They’ve boldly gone where no marsupial has dared go before—straight into the square poop hall of fame. And though we humans might boast about inventing the wheel, let’s face it, wombats reinvented the poop.