7 Things Every Good Texan Has
If you are a Texan, you know there are seven vital items you must have.
A Dog That Can Order Breakfast
Sometimes you are out a little late and the sun comes up before you know it. A good dog takes over at this point and orders breakfast at Denny’s for you and all your friends. You’ll still have to pay, however, unless your dog has pockets and a debit card.
Johnny Cash Greatest Hits
Every child born in Texas is issued a free copy of “Johnny Cash Greatest Hits,” an album that captures the honor, devotion and love of the Lone Star State that every good Texan has in their heart. Every young Texan can instantly sing the lyrics to classics like, “I Left My Heart in Austin and My Spleen in Grand Saline,” “My Horse Wears a Cowboy Hat,” and “Slow Joe at the Alamo.”
Throwable Cast Iron Skillet
A good Texan is ready to defend the honor of their state. A small, throwable cast-iron skillet is the perfect item to make your point to anyone talking bad about Texas, country music or tacos.
Bowie Knife
Sure, you could carry around other knives. But a Bowie knife makes a statement. Here is a knife that is directly connected to the history of the Great State of Texas, a knife that not only honors the brave Texans in the annals of time, but a knife than can skin bears, open up an oil drum and chop up dead tree stumps with ease. A Bowie knife is a vital to a Texan as good whisky and classic George Strait songs.
Pickup Truck Manual
Sure, you took apart your truck engine in high school and put it back together in one afternoon. But now you are older and don’t have time to work on it like you used to. Face it, you’ll never remember what every fuse does by heart. You are too old. You can barely remember where you put down your glasses. Maybe you left them on the engine when you set them down for a minute the last time you changed the oil and they fell off of there when you drove to the 7-11 to get a Slurpee. That’s why you need to keep the manual with you at all times.
3-Story Raisable Pickup
Speaking of your pickup, you knew around 1997 that the days of driving around Houston or Dallas with a normal pickup were over. Today you need a pickup that can extend the tires to the sides and raise the body up to 3-stories tall. That’s the only way to make any time in congested traffic–you have to drive OVER it, threading the tires between lanes while you and the family float above the cars 25 feet in the air.
A Piece of Land
Every good Texan has some land, even if it is a 3 ft. x 3 ft. square in the middle of a pasture. God gave Texas to Texans and every Texan should own a piece of it. You want to be able to jump up and down on it, stomp on it, line dance on it and yell up to the sky, “This is my piece of the best state in the country, God-given and shotgun-defended, the Great State of Texas!”
