A pallet load of doll heads fell on Santa Claus yesterday

Yup, that’s me in the ‘ol Santa suit. Now, don’t worry, because he is okay, but a pallet of doll heads fell on Santa at the North Pole toy workshop yesterday. The doctor said he is going to need about six months to recover. Sadly, he wasn’t able to take the reins behind Rudolph and the crew this Christmas. That’s when I got a text from Mrs. Claus: “Joe, come quick, you have to fill in for Santa tonight!” I texted back, “Wow, I’ll do what I can, but Santa is kinda portly, and there is no time to get fitted for a new suit!” She texted, “You’ll fit fine.” Ouch.

So I hope you are enjoying all the toys I delivered last night. I was surprised to see the Naughty and Nice lists. The Nice list was on the back of Santa’s business card and the Naughty list was lifted onto the sleigh with a forklift. Not only that, I was amazed at some of the toys you folks asked for. I’m a good Catholic boy, ok barely Catholic, and I blushed when I read some of these items. Whatever gets you through a winter in Cleveland, I guess.

And remember, don’t send returns to the North Pole. You have to send any return items to Washington and tell them you want your item returned as well as all the money they stole from you.

For now, I’m going to sit down and soak my feetsies. I raise this steaming cup of cocoa to you and yours and to say, “Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!”

– Joe Santa