Apple Computer Stocks Soar on New Plan to Sell Real Apples

The world’s most profitable company, Apple Computer, lined its coffers even more today with the announcement they will be selling real apples alongside their popular electronic products. Apple stock soared and eager fans of the brand camped outside stores around the country to be the first in line to buy Apple apples.

“Apples have always been good for you, just like our phones and other devices,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook. “But our customers deserve a better apple. Our apples have superior design, weight and feel. They give the user the feeling they are in complete control of their destiny, creativity and productivity.”

Within hours of the Apple announcement, Google announced the Paer, a new pear with a variety of colors and stems. Samsung responded with a new fruit called the Samsunganna, a peelable, portable fruit with USB-C ports. “I like the Samsunganna more than all these products for the simple fact that it has a headphone jack,” said one investment analyst.