Baton Rouge man learns to speak French by watching old TV commercials from France online

Snakeskin LeBeau was a paradox. He walked the streets of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, a man with the name of an American pioneer and the accent of a Parisian. This incongruity, however, was simply the most noticeable manifestation of a deeper duality: Snakeskin LeBeau, the man with a French name, spoke French like a TV advertisement.

It started innocently enough. Bored on a sweltering summer afternoon, Snakeskin stumbled upon a YouTube channel dedicated to old French commercials. He was mesmerized by the melodramatic voices, the exaggerated expressions, the relentless optimism peddling everything from laundry detergent to vacuum cleaners. He watched them religiously, mimicking the exaggerated pronunciation, the sing-song intonation, the pauses for dramatic effect.

Not only was he learning French — little by little, his English started to transform. “Hows” became “hoos,” his “whats” became “vhats,” his “wheres” became “vheres.” The words flowed with a cadence and rhythm that was more Michel Serrault than John Wayne. He’d add flourishes like “oui oui,” “magnifique,” and “sacre bleu!” peppering his sentences with French interjections that sounded hilariously out of place coming from a man who could barely order a café au lait without fumbling.

At first, people were amused. His friends found it hilarious, strangers would chuckle, and even shopkeepers would raise an eyebrow, a playful smile playing on their lips. But the more Snakeskin immersed himself in the world of French advertising, the more he learned French and the more his English morphed. It wasn’t just the pronunciation; his grammar started to slip, his idioms became nonsensical, his vocabulary limited to a bizarre amalgamation of French marketing slogans and English slang.

Soon, Snakeskin found himself in situations where his unique way of speaking caused more confusion than amusement. At job interviews, his flamboyant delivery overshadowed his qualifications. Dates ended abruptly when the dinner conversation turned into a sales pitch for “le miracle du jus d’orange!” Even ordering food became an ordeal, his requests for “un grand café, s’il vous plaît” met with blank stares and bewildered shrugs.

Desperately seeking a solution, Snakeskin sought help. He tried language tutors, speech therapists, even a hypnotist, but nothing worked. His English was forever stained with the indelible mark of French commercials.

Yet, amidst the chaos, Snakeskin discovered an unexpected advantage. His unique way of speaking turned him into a local celebrity. He was featured in a documentary on linguistic oddities, interviewed by radio shows, and even invited to perform stand-up comedy. He became a symbol of Baton Rouge’s quirky charm, a walking embodiment of the city’s unique cultural blend.

He tried to interact with as many people as he could, and stopped to order a hot dog from a street vendor.

Snakeskin: (with exaggerated pronunciation) Bonjour! Un hot dog, s’il vous plaît!

Hot Dog Vendor: (confused) Uh… hi there. You want a hot dog?

Snakeskin: Oui, oui! Le grand hot dog, avec la moutarde et le ketchup, s’il vous plaît!

Hot Dog Vendor: (still trying to understand) Okay, one hot dog coming up. With mustard and ketchup, right?

Snakeskin: Magnifique! Et un soda à l’orange, s’il vous plaît!

Hot Dog Vendor: (raising an eyebrow) Orange soda? We don’t have orange soda. We have Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper…

Snakeskin: (gasps dramatically) Mon Dieu! Pas de soda à l’orange? C’est une tragédie!

Hot Dog Vendor: (chuckling) It’s not that big of a deal, buddy. Just pick another flavor.

Snakeskin: (ponders for a moment) D’accord. Alors, un Coca-Cola, s’il vous plaît. Et… et… un Twinkie! Oui, un Twinkie pour compléter le tableau!

Hot Dog Vendor: (smiling) A Twinkie? You got it. That’ll be eight dollars.

Snakeskin: (pulls out a wad of cash) Huit dollars? Mais c’est incroyable! Le prix est exorbitant!

Hot Dog Vendor: (laughs) You okay, buddy? You sound like you’re in a commercial.

Snakeskin: (winces) Oh! Je suis désolé. Parfois, ma façon de parler est un peu… dramatique.

Hot Dog Vendor: (shakes his head) No worries, man. It’s actually kind of funny. Here’s your hot dog, your Twinkie, and your Coca-Cola. Enjoy!

Snakeskin: Merci beaucoup! Et bonne journée!

Hot Dog Vendor: (smiling) You too, buddy. Have a good one!

Snakeskin: (walks away, taking a bite of his hot dog) Sacre bleu! C’est le meilleur hot dog que j’ai jamais mangé!

Hot Dog Vendor: (watches him go, shaking his head and smiling) Crazy guy. But hey, he makes the day more interesting.

Later that day, Snakeskin was at a lively Cajun bar in a town out in the boonies of Louisiana. Dressed in his usual flamboyant style, he ordered a drink at the counter. A beautiful Cajun woman with a twinkle in her eye sat down next to him.

Snakeskin: (with his characteristic French-tinged English) Bonjour, mon ami! Une autre boisson pour moi, s’il vous plaît!

Cajun Woman: (chuckles) Bonjour to you too, city slicker. What’cha drinkin’ there?

Snakeskin: Un verre de vin rouge, s’il vous plaît. Et un croissant, si possible.

Cajun Woman: (raises an eyebrow) Wine and croissants? In a bar?

Snakeskin: Oui, oui! C’est le parfait remède pour une longue journée de travail.

Cajun Woman: Well, you might not find many croissants around here, but I can get you some boiled crawfish if you’re hungry.

Snakeskin: (eyes widening) Crawfish? Magnifique! J’adore les fruits de mer!

Cajun Woman: (smiles) Now you’re talkin’ my language. So, you’re not from around here, are you?

Snakeskin: Non, je viens de Baton Rouge.

Cajun Woman: (snorts) Baton Rouge, eh? You sure don’t sound you are from there to me. You sound like a TV commercial!

Snakeskin: (laughs) Ah, oui! C’est mon petit secret. J’ai appris l’anglais en regardant des publicités françaises.

Cajun Woman: (shakes his head) You learn somethin’ new every day. So, what brings you to our humble corner of the world?

Snakeskin: Je suis ici pour explorer la culture cajun. J’ai entendu de merveilleuses choses sur la musique, la nourriture et les gens.

Cajun Woman: Well, you’ve come to the right place! We got plenty of all three around here. You interested in catching some live zydeco later?

Snakeskin: Zydeco? C’est quoi ça?

Cajun Woman: It’s the music that makes your soul dance! Come on, I’ll show you what it’s all about.

Snakeskin: (with a beaming smile) Oui, oui! Allons-y!

Cajun Woman: (slaps Snakeskin on the back) Now you’re catchin’ on! Let’s go have some fun, cher!

Snakeskin: (smiling) Magnifique!

The Cajun woman and Snakeskin spend the rest of the evening dancing to zydeco, sharing stories, and enjoying the company. Snakeskin learns more about Cajun culture than he ever imagined, and the Cajun woman is surprised and delighted by the enthusiastic newcomer.

Snakeskin embraced his newfound fame. He started a YouTube channel, sharing his story and, of course, showcasing his collection of old French commercials. He even wrote a book, “From Baton Rouge to Boulevard: My Journey through French Commercials,” a humorous memoir about his linguistic transformation.

Through it all, Snakeskin never lost sight of his original goal. He continued to learn French, albeit in a more traditional way. He took classes, joined conversation groups, and even traveled to France. He discovered a love for the language beyond the commercial jingles, a deeper understanding of its beauty and culture. Snakeskin LeBeau, the man with a French name and an English accent straight from a TV commercial, became a walking bridge between two cultures.