Biden Pardons the Tiger King, Citing “Second Chances” and “Better Treatment for Big Cats”
President Joe Biden announced today that he’s granting a full pardon to Joseph Maldonado-Passage, better known to the world as Tiger King. The Netflix star and convicted felon had been serving a 22-year sentence for his role in a murder-for-hire plot and multiple wildlife violations, including trafficking and abusing exotic animals.
The President made the announcement during an impromptu press conference on the White House lawn, flanked by a somewhat bewildered-looking Dr. Jill Biden and a Secret Service agent holding what appeared to be a tiger plushie.
“Look, folks,” Biden began, adjusting his aviators. “This country’s all about redemption. You mess up, you learn your lesson, and if you’re willing to make things right—why not give someone another shot? Besides, we’ve all seen the show. That guy’s been through enough.”
While the pardon wipes Maldonado-Passage’s criminal record clean, it does come with strict conditions. Biden outlined them in his speech: Maldonado-Passage is banned from owning, renting, or even feeding any exotic animals, big or small. “No lions, tigers, or even ferrets,” Biden clarified. “The guy can stick to goldfish.” He must donate a portion of future Netflix royalties to animal sanctuaries across the U.S. “We’re making him pay back those tigers he messed with, one streaming residual at a time,” Biden quipped. He’s required to participate in a nationwide “Big Cat Awareness Tour” alongside Jill Biden’s pet advocacy initiative. The campaign aims to educate Americans on the proper care of exotic animals and why they should not be kept as pets.
As expected, the reaction to the pardon has been a mixed bag. Carol Baskin, Maldonado-Passage’s longtime nemesis and subject of his alleged murder-for-hire plot, issued a statement condemning the decision. “Joe Exotic is a menace, and this pardon sets a dangerous precedent for people who harm animals.” She ended the statement with a plug for her new memoir, No Cages for Carol. PETA responded cautiously, stating, “While we oppose Joe Exotic’s past actions, we welcome any efforts that shine a light on the horrors of exotic animal ownership. We will be watching him like a hawk. A vegan hawk.” Meanwhile, Joe Exotic himself released a statement from prison, moments before packing up his bedazzled belongings. “I want to thank President Biden, my fans, and my legal team for never giving up on me. America, your Tiger King is coming home!” He added, “I hope Carol Baskin hears this, loud and clear: You’ve got nothing on me, lady!”
This isn’t the first time President Biden has raised eyebrows with his pardons. Earlier this year, he granted clemency to Fast and Furious actor Vin Diesel for “excessive car stunts,” claiming, “Family comes first.” And who could forget the time he pardoned Donkey Kong, noting, “That ape’s been rolling barrels of guilt for too long.”
When asked by a reporter if the Tiger King pardon was intended to boost his approval ratings among Netflix viewers, Biden chuckled and shrugged. “Hey, if it gets people talking, it’s a win. And come on, who doesn’t love a good tiger story?”
As of this afternoon, Joe Exotic is en route to a halfway house in Oklahoma, where he’s expected to begin work on his next big project: a tell-all memoir titled The Mane Event: How I Survived Prison and Became America’s King Again. Whether this decision will have claws down the line for Biden’s presidency remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure: America isn’t done with the Tiger King saga just yet.